New parents often ask me, "Where should our baby sleep?" That's because more and more of them are aware these days that the nursery crib isn't the only option -- and the choices can be confusing. Should the baby sleep right next to Mom and Dad in the same bed? Or how about a co-sleeper that's attached to the bed? Or maybe the crib should simply be moved into the parents' bedroom? There's no right answer, and each family has to decide what works best for them. That's why I wrote, along with my wife, Martha Sears, R.N., and two of our sons, Robert Sears, M.D. and James Sears, M.D., an entire book on sleep and the different bedtime solutions parents can try. One of the first topics we cover in The Baby Sleep Book: The Complete Guide to a Good Night's Rest for the Whole Family is the important initial question of where your child should sleep. Be prepared to play musical beds with all of the following sleeping arrangements as you figure out where everyone gets the best night's rest. Even in my own family, we tried different sleep styles. Martha and I put our first three kids to bed in a crib without any problems. But then Hayden was born. A high-needs little girl, the crib just didn't work for her. That's when we discovered that being in the bed with us made her feel more secure, helping her fall asleep more easily. Find what works best for you and your little one.

The baby sleeps alone in her own room.
When you flip through some baby furniture catalogs, you see pictures of smiling parents (who always look like they've had plenty of sleep) placing their newborn in a crib in a beautifully decorated nursery. They pat the baby's tummy, kiss him on the cheek, and say "night-night" before spending a quiet evening together while their baby snoozes peacefully until the morning.

This fairy tale will eventually come true, but probably not in the early months. Still, the classic image of a baby in a crib is hard to resist. This sleeping arrangement does work well for many families, but don't be frustrated if it's not the picture-perfect scene you'd imagined.

Pros
Some babies love it. While it may not be best for sensitive babies, the crib can work beautifully for easygoing tots. Mellow kids tend to fall asleep more easily and awaken less often at night regardless of where they sleep.

You might get more shut-eye. If you're a light sleeper and every gurgle your infant makes wakes you up, you may enjoy being in a separate room. After all, happy, rested parents make for happy, rested children. And after being consumed with baby duties all day, many couples want their alone time at night. As one mother in our practice told us, "I'm with my four kids all day. At night I need time with my husband -- alone. This works for us."

Cons
You'll have to travel. Because young babies wake up so frequently during the night (their stomachs are so small that they get hungry every few hours), many parents find this long-distance arrangement difficult; they'd rather keep their child closer, either in their bed or in their room, so that they can respond to their cries more quickly.

Sensitive babies, like our Hayden, may feel isolated and alone in their crib in a separate room. As a result, they'll cry even more -- and sleep even less. If you and your baby have suffered countless sleepless nights, you may want to take him out of the crib, or move the crib closer to your own bed, for a night or two and see how he responds.

Adapted from The Baby Sleep Book: The Complete Guide to a Good Night's Rest for the Whole Family, co-authored by William Sears, M.D., a Babytalk contributing editor.

The baby sleeps in your room but not in your bed.

Sometimes this sleeping arrangement is a matter of necessity. Our son Robert was living in a one-bedroom apartment when his second child was born -- they had four people sleeping in one room! Robert and his family actually enjoyed the closeness, as do many others -- no matter how many rooms they have in their home. Sleeping in the same room as your baby (but not in the same bed) is also considered to be the safest sleeping arrangement by the American Academy of Pediatrics, according to one of their recent policy statements. (I personally believe, however, that sleeping in the same bed can be perfectly safe if you follow the precautions outlined at the end of this article.)

Some parents wheel the crib into the bedroom, and others attach co-sleepers to their beds. Either way, sleeping in the same room has advantages and disadvantages.

Pros
You don't have far to go. When your baby wakes up in the middle of the night, you don't have to stumble down a darkened hallway or bump into doors. You can simply hop out of bed and pick up your baby before she gets upset (and makes it harder for both of you to get back to sleep). If you use a co-sleeper, it's even easier. Attached to your bed, a co-sleeper allows both you and your baby to have your own space, while still being extremely close. If the idea of sleeping with your baby right next to you on the mattress makes you a little nervous or you're a restless sleeper and don't want to wake up your tot with every toss and turn, the co-sleeper is a great option.

Your baby doesn't have to wait long for relief. Besides being convenient to you, sleeping in the same room as your child means she doesn't have to wail her lungs out before someone comes to feed or soothe her. And that's a good thing. Babies who are responded to quickly and not left to cry it out learn to trust their instincts and their surroundings, building their confidence.

Cons
Again, if you're a light sleeper, this arrangement may not work. Babies whiffle and coo at night; if that keeps you up, you might be too tired to respond when your baby actually needs you. Keeping a little space between the two of you could be a better solution. Conversely, the noises you make could disrupt your baby's sleep. Finally, if your own bedroom is simply too small to fit even a co-sleeper next to your bed, let alone a bulky crib, don't feel guilty. Get a baby monitor or simply leave your door open so you can hear your child in another room.

The baby sleeps with you in your bed.

A few years ago, this sleeping arrangement was considered to be slightly kooky in this country, but it's becoming less so as more and more parents opt to share a bed with their child and learn how to safely do so. My first three kids were easy sleepers, and Martha and I were confirmed members of the crib-and-cradle set. Then came our high-need baby, Hayden, who, once we learned to listen, helped us open up a whole different box of nighttime tools. I still remember Martha taking Hayden into our bed, after a few nights of frequent night waking, and saying, "I don't care what the books say, I've got to get some sleep!" Once we discovered the joys of co-sleeping, we treasured sleeping with our next four babies -- one at a time, of course. Sharing a bed turned out to be the right decision for us, but it may not be for everyone.

Pros
Sleeping next to you comforts your baby. Snuggled close to Mom, feeling the warmth of her skin and hearing the beat of her heart, creates a womb-like sensation for babies -- a sensation that calms and quiets many cranky tots. Think about it: When your little one cries, you usually respond by picking him up and holding him close to you. Sleeping with your baby provides the same sort of soothing closeness -- all night long. In fact, co-sleeping babies enjoy calmer and less restless sleep than solo-sleeping babies, according to studies from the University of California, Irvine.

Breastfeeding is extremely convenient. If you're nursing, all you have to do in the middle of the night when your baby is hungry is roll over! My wife Martha jokingly calls co-sleeping the "lazy mom's option." "When my baby started to squirm, I would lay on a comforting hand, and she would drift back to sleep," she says. "Sometimes I did this automatically without even waking up." Plus, co-sleeping allows the baby to be fed or soothed even more quickly than in sleep option number two. * If you work outside the home, sleeping with your baby may allow you to reconnect with him and make up for missed touch time during the day.

Cons
Alone time is a thing of the past. If you cherish your togetherness with your spouse at night, a wiggly baby on the mattress with the two of you may put a damper on things. Your relationship as a couple is important, so if having the bed to yourselves at night means a lot to you, then that's important, too.

Your baby may wake up more often because he feels you nearby. Some babies are light sleepers who might be annoyed by all the sounds and movements grown-ups make at night. If your infant is particularly independent, he may even feel smothered by all the closeness and do better in his own crib.

It could be hard to get the baby out of your bed. After sleeping first-class with you for many months -- or even years -- your child may not willingly accept a downgrade. Switching to the crib after the family bed will most likely take some creative bedtime strategies and a lot of patience.

Safe co-sleeping

Always follow these sensible precautions:

1. Place your baby to sleep on his back.

2. Place your baby between you and a mesh guardrail or push the bed flush against the wall and position him between you and the wall, not between you and your spouse. Be sure there are no crevices where the baby could sink between the mattress and the guardrail, the mattress and the head- or footboard, or the mattress and the wall.

3. Keep all blankets and pillows away from the baby.

4. Use a large bed, preferably a queen- or king-size.

5. Don't sleep with your baby if you're under the influence of any drug (such as alcohol or tranquilizing medications) that diminish your sensitivity to the baby's presence.

6. Don't fall asleep with your baby on a couch, waterbed, or any soft surface that could cause the baby to suffocate.

7. Don't let your baby sleep unattended on an adult bed.

8. Don't allow any pets in the bed with you and your baby.

CLOSE PRINT

The Co-Sleeping Debate By Dr. William Sears, Babytalk New parents often ask me, "Where should our baby sleep?" That's because more and more of them are aware these days that the nursery crib isn't the only option -- and the choices can be confusing. Should the baby sleep right next to Mom and Dad in the same bed? Or how about a co-sleeper that's attached to the bed? Or maybe the crib should simply be moved into the parents' bedroom? There's no right answer, and each family has to decide what works best for them. That's why I wrote, along with my wife, Martha Sears, R.N., and two of our sons, Robert Sears, M.D. and James Sears, M.D., an entire book on sleep and the different bedtime solutions parents can try. One of the first topics we cover in The Baby Sleep Book: The Complete Guide to a Good Night's Rest for the Whole Family is the important initial question of where your child should sleep. Be prepared to play musical beds with all of the following sleeping arrangements as you figure out where everyone gets the best night's rest. Even in my own family, we tried different sleep styles. Martha and I put our first three kids to bed in a crib without any problems. But then Hayden was born. A high-needs little girl, the crib just didn't work for her. That's when we discovered that being in the bed with us made her feel more secure, helping her fall asleep more easily. Find what works best for you and your little one. The baby sleeps alone in her own room. When you flip through some baby furniture catalogs, you see pictures of smiling parents (who always look like they've had plenty of sleep) placing their newborn in a crib in a beautifully decorated nursery. They pat the baby's tummy, kiss him on the cheek, and say "night-night" before spending a quiet evening together while their baby snoozes peacefully until the morning. This fairy tale will eventually come true, but probably not in the early months. Still, the classic image of a baby in a crib is hard to resist. This sleeping arrangement does work well for many families, but don't be frustrated if it's not the picture-perfect scene you'd imagined. Pros Some babies love it. While it may not be best for sensitive babies, the crib can work beautifully for easygoing tots. Mellow kids tend to fall asleep more easily and awaken less often at night regardless of where they sleep. You might get more shut-eye. If you're a light sleeper and every gurgle your infant makes wakes you up, you may enjoy being in a separate room. After all, happy, rested parents make for happy, rested children. And after being consumed with baby duties all day, many couples want their alone time at night. As one mother in our practice told us, "I'm with my four kids all day. At night I need time with my husband -- alone. This works for us." Cons You'll have to travel. Because young babies wake up so frequently during the night (their stomachs are so small that they get hungry every few hours), many parents find this long-distance arrangement difficult; they'd rather keep their child closer, either in their bed or in their room, so that they can respond to their cries more quickly. Sensitive babies, like our Hayden, may feel isolated and alone in their crib in a separate room. As a result, they'll cry even more -- and sleep even less. If you and your baby have suffered countless sleepless nights, you may want to take him out of the crib, or move the crib closer to your own bed, for a night or two and see how he responds. Adapted from The Baby Sleep Book: The Complete Guide to a Good Night's Rest for the Whole Family, co-authored by William Sears, M.D., a Babytalk contributing editor. The baby sleeps in your room but not in your bed. Sometimes this sleeping arrangement is a matter of necessity. Our son Robert was living in a one-bedroom apartment when his second child was born -- they had four people sleeping in one room! Robert and his family actually enjoyed the closeness, as do many others -- no matter how many rooms they have in their home. Sleeping in the same room as your baby (but not in the same bed) is also considered to be the safest sleeping arrangement by the American Academy of Pediatrics, according to one of their recent policy statements. (I personally believe, however, that sleeping in the same bed can be perfectly safe if you follow the precautions outlined at the end of this article.) Some parents wheel the crib into the bedroom, and others attach co-sleepers to their beds. Either way, sleeping in the same room has advantages and disadvantages. Pros You don't have far to go. When your baby wakes up in the middle of the night, you don't have to stumble down a darkened hallway or bump into doors. You can simply hop out of bed and pick up your baby before she gets upset (and makes it harder for both of you to get back to sleep). If you use a co-sleeper, it's even easier. Attached to your bed, a co-sleeper allows both you and your baby to have your own space, while still being extremely close. If the idea of sleeping with your baby right next to you on the mattress makes you a little nervous or you're a restless sleeper and don't want to wake up your tot with every toss and turn, the co-sleeper is a great option. Your baby doesn't have to wait long for relief. Besides being convenient to you, sleeping in the same room as your child means she doesn't have to wail her lungs out before someone comes to feed or soothe her. And that's a good thing. Babies who are responded to quickly and not left to cry it out learn to trust their instincts and their surroundings, building their confidence. Cons Again, if you're a light sleeper, this arrangement may not work. Babies whiffle and coo at night; if that keeps you up, you might be too tired to respond when your baby actually needs you. Keeping a little space between the two of you could be a better solution. Conversely, the noises you make could disrupt your baby's sleep. Finally, if your own bedroom is simply too small to fit even a co-sleeper next to your bed, let alone a bulky crib, don't feel guilty. Get a baby monitor or simply leave your door open so you can hear your child in another room. The baby sleeps with you in your bed. A few years ago, this sleeping arrangement was considered to be slightly kooky in this country, but it's becoming less so as more and more parents opt to share a bed with their child and learn how to safely do so. My first three kids were easy sleepers, and Martha and I were confirmed members of the crib-and-cradle set. Then came our high-need baby, Hayden, who, once we learned to listen, helped us open up a whole different box of nighttime tools. I still remember Martha taking Hayden into our bed, after a few nights of frequent night waking, and saying, "I don't care what the books say, I've got to get some sleep!" Once we discovered the joys of co-sleeping, we treasured sleeping with our next four babies -- one at a time, of course. Sharing a bed turned out to be the right decision for us, but it may not be for everyone. Pros Sleeping next to you comforts your baby. Snuggled close to Mom, feeling the warmth of her skin and hearing the beat of her heart, creates a womb-like sensation for babies -- a sensation that calms and quiets many cranky tots. Think about it: When your little one cries, you usually respond by picking him up and holding him close to you. Sleeping with your baby provides the same sort of soothing closeness -- all night long. In fact, co-sleeping babies enjoy calmer and less restless sleep than solo-sleeping babies, according to studies from the University of California, Irvine. Breastfeeding is extremely convenient. If you're nursing, all you have to do in the middle of the night when your baby is hungry is roll over! My wife Martha jokingly calls co-sleeping the "lazy mom's option." "When my baby started to squirm, I would lay on a comforting hand, and she would drift back to sleep," she says. "Sometimes I did this automatically without even waking up." Plus, co-sleeping allows the baby to be fed or soothed even more quickly than in sleep option number two. * If you work outside the home, sleeping with your baby may allow you to reconnect with him and make up for missed touch time during the day. Cons Alone time is a thing of the past. If you cherish your togetherness with your spouse at night, a wiggly baby on the mattress with the two of you may put a damper on things. Your relationship as a couple is important, so if having the bed to yourselves at night means a lot to you, then that's important, too. Your baby may wake up more often because he feels you nearby. Some babies are light sleepers who might be annoyed by all the sounds and movements grown-ups make at night. If your infant is particularly independent, he may even feel smothered by all the closeness and do better in his own crib. It could be hard to get the baby out of your bed. After sleeping first-class with you for many months -- or even years -- your child may not willingly accept a downgrade. Switching to the crib after the family bed will most likely take some creative bedtime strategies and a lot of patience. Safe co-sleeping Always follow these sensible precautions: 1. Place your baby to sleep on his back. 2. Place your baby between you and a mesh guardrail or push the bed flush against the wall and position him between you and the wall, not between you and your spouse. Be sure there are no crevices where the baby could sink between the mattress and the guardrail, the mattress and the head- or footboard, or the mattress and the wall. 3. Keep all blankets and pillows away from the baby. 4. Use a large bed, preferably a queen- or king-size. 5. Don't sleep with your baby if you're under the influence of any drug (such as alcohol or tranquilizing medications) that diminish your sensitivity to the baby's presence. 6. Don't fall asleep with your baby on a couch, waterbed, or any soft surface that could cause the baby to suffocate. 7. Don't let your baby sleep unattended on an adult bed. 8. Don't allow any pets in the bed with you and your baby.