As the mom of a toddler, you know all the rules by now:

Stick to a bedtime routine.

Childproof everything (and still don't let them out of your sight).

Never give in to a tantrum.

I know them, too, three kids and nine years later. But I've broken more rules with my youngest, 2-year-old Charlie, than I care to admit, and I'm beginning to wonder if I've joined the ranks of parents who are breeding little monsters by being discipline wimps.

"Some kids are temperamentally difficult, while others are more likely to misbehave because our responses encourage it," says Lawrence Shapiro, Ph.D., Connecticut-based dad and child psychologist, and author of The Secret Language of Children. "We know from plenty of research that children need clear limits and structure. When you tell yourself, 'Just this one time,' it's already too late."

But if, like me, you've got a tendency to look the other way when you don't have the time or energy to deal with your toddler's antics, the first thing to do is set some serious limits -- for both of you.

Shapiro advises parents to post a list of simple house rules on the refrigerator to remind everyone of what won't be tolerated. Pick one rule for each year of your child's age -- the misbehaviors that matter most to you and that you know your child can follow, such as "No hitting" or "No climbing on the table" -- and use pictures to illustrate them; your child will eventually recognize and remember them if you make a habit of pointing to each one every time there's an infraction.

Once you've established the ground rules, here's how to stay in control with these common (but crazy-making) toddler behaviors:

Stephanie Wood is cowriting a guide to a baby's first year.

Flinging food

All babies go through that stage at the end of the first year when they throw everything -- food, cups -- over the side of the high chair. It's more a test of gravity than a test of you.

But at my house, it didn't stop once the scientific principle became obvious. Instead, it became Charlie's favorite signal that he'd had enough -- of the food and the high chair. If I didn't remove the tray promptly after he'd filled his tummy, everything within reach was suddenly airborne. The standard advice, take the food away if he starts throwing it, didn't work because of course he didn't want it anymore.

What to do: "With my kids, I said, 'Okay, you're cleaning it up,'" recalls Christine D'Amico, a San Diego mom of three, ages 7, 5, and 2. "Have your child live with the consequences of his actions. Don't help until he's at least made a good attempt to clean it up -- even though it'll probably lead to lots of crying and whining."

Another idea: Create an incentive. An outing to the park, a game, even a DVD, can motivate your child to stop throwing food, says Stacy DeBroff, mom of two school-age kids and author of The Mom Book. "As they get closer to age three and more verbal, they get savvier about this cause-and-effect idea," she says.

Climbing to new heights

David Monnot, 3, can't sit still. "He's climbed on his dresser and onto the windowsill," says his mom, Tonya, of Westerville, Ohio. "We took out every piece of furniture in his room and all the toys. All he eventually had in there was a mattress!"

Upholstery aside, there's a good reason your furniture shouldn't double as a jungle gym: "If you have a climber, you're always five minutes away from a broken arm," says DeBroff.

What to do: Try close eye contact accompanied by a gentle but serious tone. That's what's effective for Lu Hanessian, the Cherry Hill, New Jersey, mom of Nicholas, 5, and Ben, 2, and author of Let the Baby Drive: Navigating the Road of New Motherhood. "Once, Ben climbed up on top of our grand piano and just laughed at me," she recalls. "I got really close, stared him down, and said, 'Don't get on there again or you'll get really hurt.' Then I removed him, and he hasn't done it since."

Taking your child to a quiet place can also help when you're on sensory overload. It's more like a breather than a traditional time-out.

Squirming in the stroller

My kids have spent so little time in strollers that one model lasted through three of them. Charlie actually learned how to undo his buckle by 18 months, and my husband, good sport that he is, bought a harness meant for shopping carts and sewed it into the stroller to keep him safely strapped.

A year later, I use my stroller with Charlie for short periods and only when absolutely necessary for safety or damage control. But are there other ways to keep a little wiggler happy?

What to do: Stores that have cleverly designed kid carts rate high on moms' shopping lists. But when you've no choice but your own set of wheels, "get really good snacks or drinks you'd never give your child at home -- like ice pops or hot pretzels -- or toys that can be played with only in the stroller," says D'Amico. "The key is to set in stone that these special things only happen when he's sitting nicely in his stroller."

When Monnot goes food shopping, she makes a list of items by location in the store so she can get in and out more quickly. "I run only one errand per day and try to dangle a reward like the play area at the mall if David behaves. If he doesn't, we skip the reward to teach the lesson," she says.

Saying no to clothes

One law of mommyhood is that the bigger the hurry you're in, the more resistance you get about getting dressed and going somewhere.

What to do: Be zany! Charlie, who's ticklish, goes from flailing to giggling if I start smothering him with kisses and pretend that I'm eating him.

Some tots prefer at least some pint-size control. "My kids insisted on dressing themselves. Unfortunately, my son would choose a bathing suit in the middle of winter, and my daughter had a really unique ability for picking out clothes that actively clashed," says DeBroff. "I gave up fighting, hid the out-of-season clothes, and just made a badge that read 'I dressed myself today!' so I wouldn't have to deal with the embarrassment."

Or you can try the hard-line approach: "My then three-year-old would get really mad about having to get dressed in the morning and went into big crying fits," says D'Amico, "so I started telling him, 'If you make a fuss when I ask you to get dressed right before we go out, I am going to make you get dressed the second you get up. When you can do that without any fussing for a week, you can go back to getting dressed right before we go.' "

Nixing the nap

The last thing a toddler wants to hear is that it's time for a little shut-eye. But an overtired toddler is a difficult one.

What to do: If your child still needs a nap -- and you'll know it because he'll nod off in a quiet moment if you don't create the opportunity to sleep -- your best bet is to implement a consistent routine and stick to it. "Let him refuse all he wants and still put him to bed," says D'Amico. "He'll be mad as heck at times and it won't be fun, but when he learns you mean it, he'll usually give up and behave better in this and many other areas of life."

When her son Nicholas was a toddler, Hanessian found that holding him helped him calm down. "He'd say, 'I've got the wiggles, I can't go to sleep,' so I'd swaddle him with my arms and I could feel him relaxing," she says. "With temperamental kids, being contained can really ground them."

As your child gets closer to age 3, you may also find that she can now connect going to sleep with an upcoming event. Jill Smoller of Albuquerque, New Mexico, tells her 2½-year-old the sooner she takes her nap, the sooner her friend will come over to play.

For older toddlers, the trick is learning to recognize when to stop naps altogether. "If you're meeting serious resistance at naptime, and then after having a nap your child doesn't want to go to sleep at night, it's time to give it up," says DeBroff. "Bedtime will be easier because she'll be tired."

Of course it will seem like a long day to you when you don't get your respite either, but look how much stress you'll be eliminating during the day. And less butting of heads means more time to enjoy your toddler. I've found with all three of my kids that the more positive interactions we can share, the more they come to realize that pleasing Mom and Dad is a lot more fun than pulling power plays.

CLOSE PRINT

Mom vs. Toddler How to stay in control (and keep your sanity!) when your tot breaks the rules By Stephanie Wood, Parenting As the mom of a toddler, you know all the rules by now: Stick to a bedtime routine. Childproof everything (and still don't let them out of your sight). Never give in to a tantrum. I know them, too, three kids and nine years later. But I've broken more rules with my youngest, 2-year-old Charlie, than I care to admit, and I'm beginning to wonder if I've joined the ranks of parents who are breeding little monsters by being discipline wimps. "Some kids are temperamentally difficult, while others are more likely to misbehave because our responses encourage it," says Lawrence Shapiro, Ph.D., Connecticut-based dad and child psychologist, and author of The Secret Language of Children. "We know from plenty of research that children need clear limits and structure. When you tell yourself, 'Just this one time,' it's already too late." But if, like me, you've got a tendency to look the other way when you don't have the time or energy to deal with your toddler's antics, the first thing to do is set some serious limits -- for both of you. Shapiro advises parents to post a list of simple house rules on the refrigerator to remind everyone of what won't be tolerated. Pick one rule for each year of your child's age -- the misbehaviors that matter most to you and that you know your child can follow, such as "No hitting" or "No climbing on the table" -- and use pictures to illustrate them; your child will eventually recognize and remember them if you make a habit of pointing to each one every time there's an infraction. Once you've established the ground rules, here's how to stay in control with these common (but crazy-making) toddler behaviors: Stephanie Wood is cowriting a guide to a baby's first year. Flinging food All babies go through that stage at the end of the first year when they throw everything -- food, cups -- over the side of the high chair. It's more a test of gravity than a test of you. But at my house, it didn't stop once the scientific principle became obvious. Instead, it became Charlie's favorite signal that he'd had enough -- of the food and the high chair. If I didn't remove the tray promptly after he'd filled his tummy, everything within reach was suddenly airborne. The standard advice, take the food away if he starts throwing it, didn't work because of course he didn't want it anymore. What to do: "With my kids, I said, 'Okay, you're cleaning it up,'" recalls Christine D'Amico, a San Diego mom of three, ages 7, 5, and 2. "Have your child live with the consequences of his actions. Don't help until he's at least made a good attempt to clean it up -- even though it'll probably lead to lots of crying and whining." Another idea: Create an incentive. An outing to the park, a game, even a DVD, can motivate your child to stop throwing food, says Stacy DeBroff, mom of two school-age kids and author of The Mom Book. "As they get closer to age three and more verbal, they get savvier about this cause-and-effect idea," she says. Climbing to new heights David Monnot, 3, can't sit still. "He's climbed on his dresser and onto the windowsill," says his mom, Tonya, of Westerville, Ohio. "We took out every piece of furniture in his room and all the toys. All he eventually had in there was a mattress!" Upholstery aside, there's a good reason your furniture shouldn't double as a jungle gym: "If you have a climber, you're always five minutes away from a broken arm," says DeBroff. What to do: Try close eye contact accompanied by a gentle but serious tone. That's what's effective for Lu Hanessian, the Cherry Hill, New Jersey, mom of Nicholas, 5, and Ben, 2, and author of Let the Baby Drive: Navigating the Road of New Motherhood. "Once, Ben climbed up on top of our grand piano and just laughed at me," she recalls. "I got really close, stared him down, and said, 'Don't get on there again or you'll get really hurt.' Then I removed him, and he hasn't done it since." Taking your child to a quiet place can also help when you're on sensory overload. It's more like a breather than a traditional time-out. Squirming in the stroller My kids have spent so little time in strollers that one model lasted through three of them. Charlie actually learned how to undo his buckle by 18 months, and my husband, good sport that he is, bought a harness meant for shopping carts and sewed it into the stroller to keep him safely strapped. A year later, I use my stroller with Charlie for short periods and only when absolutely necessary for safety or damage control. But are there other ways to keep a little wiggler happy? What to do: Stores that have cleverly designed kid carts rate high on moms' shopping lists. But when you've no choice but your own set of wheels, "get really good snacks or drinks you'd never give your child at home -- like ice pops or hot pretzels -- or toys that can be played with only in the stroller," says D'Amico. "The key is to set in stone that these special things only happen when he's sitting nicely in his stroller." When Monnot goes food shopping, she makes a list of items by location in the store so she can get in and out more quickly. "I run only one errand per day and try to dangle a reward like the play area at the mall if David behaves. If he doesn't, we skip the reward to teach the lesson," she says. Saying no to clothes One law of mommyhood is that the bigger the hurry you're in, the more resistance you get about getting dressed and going somewhere. What to do: Be zany! Charlie, who's ticklish, goes from flailing to giggling if I start smothering him with kisses and pretend that I'm eating him. Some tots prefer at least some pint-size control. "My kids insisted on dressing themselves. Unfortunately, my son would choose a bathing suit in the middle of winter, and my daughter had a really unique ability for picking out clothes that actively clashed," says DeBroff. "I gave up fighting, hid the out-of-season clothes, and just made a badge that read 'I dressed myself today!' so I wouldn't have to deal with the embarrassment." Or you can try the hard-line approach: "My then three-year-old would get really mad about having to get dressed in the morning and went into big crying fits," says D'Amico, "so I started telling him, 'If you make a fuss when I ask you to get dressed right before we go out, I am going to make you get dressed the second you get up. When you can do that without any fussing for a week, you can go back to getting dressed right before we go.' " Nixing the nap The last thing a toddler wants to hear is that it's time for a little shut-eye. But an overtired toddler is a difficult one. What to do: If your child still needs a nap -- and you'll know it because he'll nod off in a quiet moment if you don't create the opportunity to sleep -- your best bet is to implement a consistent routine and stick to it. "Let him refuse all he wants and still put him to bed," says D'Amico. "He'll be mad as heck at times and it won't be fun, but when he learns you mean it, he'll usually give up and behave better in this and many other areas of life." When her son Nicholas was a toddler, Hanessian found that holding him helped him calm down. "He'd say, 'I've got the wiggles, I can't go to sleep,' so I'd swaddle him with my arms and I could feel him relaxing," she says. "With temperamental kids, being contained can really ground them." As your child gets closer to age 3, you may also find that she can now connect going to sleep with an upcoming event. Jill Smoller of Albuquerque, New Mexico, tells her 2½-year-old the sooner she takes her nap, the sooner her friend will come over to play. For older toddlers, the trick is learning to recognize when to stop naps altogether. "If you're meeting serious resistance at naptime, and then after having a nap your child doesn't want to go to sleep at night, it's time to give it up," says DeBroff. "Bedtime will be easier because she'll be tired." Of course it will seem like a long day to you when you don't get your respite either, but look how much stress you'll be eliminating during the day. And less butting of heads means more time to enjoy your toddler. I've found with all three of my kids that the more positive interactions we can share, the more they come to realize that pleasing Mom and Dad is a lot more fun than pulling power plays.