You are here

Get Answers

Sometimes it's nice to get advice from experts with a lot of letter degrees behind their names, but other times, you just need to hear what another parent (with a M.O.M. behind her name) has done that has worked. You've got questions? These moms have answers.
 
Ask a Question

is it my fault?

9 answers
4 years ago
my friend is pregnant and she tells me all these things i didn't know when i was pregnant the first two times. i had no idea you couldn't drink caffeine. and there are other things i didnt know. i was just a kid, and i'm starting to feel guilty. is it my fault i had the misscaraiges? i mean i didnt know there was so much like classes and meetings and all of that you could do early on, i thought those things came later. but shes already doing such a great job and i can't help but wonder if i would have had my babies if i'd known those things. i'm really scared to screw it up again.do you think it was my fault..?

answers (9)

4 years ago
NO!  I do not believe it was your fault at all!!!  I believe in God and I believe in God's timing.  Things happen for a reason and those miscarriages were not meant to be.  It's probably sounds like little consolation to someone who has lost something as precious as a baby.  But there are mothers that were crackheads throughout their pregnancies, women who smoked and drank throughout, women who never once took their prenatal vitamins and stayed up way too late partying; those pregnancies survived.  I don't think it's always something we can control that some of it has to be God's will and God's timing.  I recently was told by mil of a woman who at her 24 week testing appointment found out she was having a trisome 13 baby (sp?).  Basically this meant that the child was unfit for life, unable to substain life.  She carried this child full term and had a perfectly healthy pregnancy other than knowing she was carrying a child that would never live.  I can't imagine being in her shoes and I can't imagine having to make that decision (that's part of the reason we don't do the testing), but I do know that the trial she went through brought her closer to God.  I guess what I'm trying to say is don't blame yourself for what could have been, sometimes it's not in your control the children that make it or don't.  Your job now that you are pregnant is to do the best you can to care for the baby growing inside you.  I can't imagine that someone who is worried about doing the right thing like you are would screw it up; just the fact that you are worrying shows you care.  You are being given another chance at growing this life so make the most of it!  You can do it!  :)
4 years ago
PS - I thought the classes were a waste of time when we took them.  Maybe it was our area, but they didn't teach us anything worth anything other than the infant cpr (which thankfully we have never had to put to use).  If you do internet research (and post on here) you can find out just about everything that gets taught in those classes.  And I drank caffeine throughout all 3 of my pregnancies.  I tried to limit it in these last two, but like you I didn't know in my first and probably had more than I should have.  :)
4 years ago
It is NOT your fault.  Some women have several miscarriages and then a very heatlthy full term pregnancy.  A very good friend of mine had 5 miscarriages before having her baby and she knows that it could happen again when she decideds to try again. It is just how her body works bc it seems to have a hard time in the beginning with the pregnancy.  It's not that you can't drink caffine it just isn't very good for you or the baby.  I had horrible headaches throughout my pregnancy and my dr recommended that I drink at least 1 soda a day to help the headaches.  A friend of mine would drink her normal amount of coffee throughout her pregnancy and her baby is very healthy.   I am not sure what classes and meetings your friend is taking but I do consider myself a good mom and I only took birthing class with my first son.  I think it is good that your friend is keeping herself informed and healthy but please don't let it get you down. All moms are different and all women are very different. I do not think it was your fault for the misscarriages. 
4 years ago
thank you so much lissiemel and HyperHeath! you have no idea how much that helped me to hear, really. i'm just very paranoid, i've had two recent negatives and only one recent positive so that worries me. i'd be like 4 weeks, shouldnt all the tests be positive and bold lines by now?
4 years ago
Yes and no.  It depends on your body, your hormones, time of day...really a lot of different thing goes into making up those pink lines.  I prefer the tests that say pregnant or not pregnant as opposed to the lines because it does get confusing.  Set up an appointment with a doctor.  Tell them you've had 2 previous miscarriages and would like to confirm pregnancy.  A lot of them will get you in pretty quickly because it's important for the mother to be to be relaxed during pregnancy.  Try to relax and take it one day at a time.  If you need to rest, be sure to rest.  Everyone is different and growing your baby won't be exactly like your friends experience.  Lean on us when you need to and Good luck sweetie!
4 years ago
I took a test at about 4 weeks and it was so light I could barely see it. So maybe it was because the hormones aren't strong enough yet. I definitely agree you should try to get into the dr for a blood test or an ultrasound. You are in no way responsible for losing your babies. I'm sorry that you did but its not your fault! Just try and take it easy. Good luck hun! :)
4 years ago
I had a miscarriage too. The baby just stopped growing. Now I've learned so much in my new pregnancy that I didn't know in the first on either, and I've had the thought that maybe it was my fault but then I see pregnant women smoking and drinking and drink energy drinks and mountain dew and having healthy babies. I think that sometimes the universe (or whatever you believe in) just decides that for right now this is what's best. All you can do is your best the next time around. Good luck!
4 years ago
thank you very much guys(: i'm working on trying to relax and just pray for this baby. i have so many symptoms, but its like i'm afraid to just believe i'm pregnant cuz i know what a heartbreak it will be when i am not. its going to crush me. i really want this baby more than anything in the world.
3 years ago
its not ur fault, i never went to the classes, and my dr. said it was o.k to drink coffee and i did. i just its challenges that God gives us sometimes, dnt worry if u want a baby God will make it happen when its the right time for u. i dnt think nothing is somebodys fault unless they want it to happen. so dont worry ull be o.k, and stop thinking like that.

Vertical Tabs

*DISCLAIMER
Parenting.com's Answers are provided by members of our community. While your fellow moms and our editors have plenty of great advice to offer based on their experience, it is not a substitute for professional medical help. Always consult a medical professional when seeking medical advice. All submitted answers are subject to the rules set forth in our Privacy Policy and Terms of Use