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Having issues with my fiance..

9 answers
3 years ago
To give you a bit of background info on the situation, my fiance/boyfriend have been together since May '09 and it's been anything but fun. I love the guy, but he's cheated on me and been emotionally abusive since day one, not to mention he was a major alcoholic. I've broken up with him numerous times and each time he begs me back. blah blah blah. cliche, i know. Well, i found out i was pregnant in July of this year, and we were broken up at the time. Once he found out he was so 'excited' and 'couldn't wait to be a dad'.. he asked me to marry him and move back in with him.. and i did, because i felt it was the right thing to do (since my dad really wasn't around much, i wanted my child's father to be in their life) Okay, so for the first month or so, things were great. He quit drinking, stopped messing around with other girls, made his lame-o loser of a cousin move out of his apartment, he even started going to church with me. Everything was perfect. But for SOME reason, the past few months have been absolute HELL. He screams at me, gets in my face, calls me HORRIBLE names, he's changed all his passwords on everything, quit paying his phone bill (which I now have to pay). He's totally done a 180. I'm about at my wits end with this whole situation. I keep telling myself maybe it's my fault because of all the pregnancy hormones or something, but honestly i know it's not. He's just given up. And i he told me the other day that if i wasn't having his kid, he never would have asked me to marry him. We can't even be in the same room together. All i ever do is cry anymore because he basically ignores me, unless he wants sex. i don't know what to do anymore. I'm hoping this is just a phase or something...

answers (9)

3 years ago
Honestly I would leave. I would have packed my crap when he told me he wouldn't have asked me to marry him if I wasn't pregnant. What a LOSER! He sounds very abusive and that is a scary situation (I've been there too honey) for you and your baby. I know you don't want your baby to grow up without a dad but you have to ask yourself if he is what you would want to help raise your baby. Emotional abusive is just the start sweetie, its a cycle and the next step is physical abuse. I would hate for him to start hitting on you especially with you pregnant. It might not happen now but it will and thats not something you want your child to see. Do you have somewhere you can go? Do you have family or friends that will support you and help you love and raise this baby? If so that is my suggestion. Get away as fast as you can and don't look back! I left while I was pregnant and had to go through the whole waiting to be able to get divorced and having to send my babies for visits with their bio dad. It was awful! I hope that he can grow up and change his life and be the man you and the baby need him to be. If he's anything like my ex thats not very likely. I hope that things don't get any worse for you honey. I'll be praying that you have some peace in your situation. And a solution. I know its hard but just hang in there and do what is best for your safety and the safety of your precious baby. It would be terrible if he got mad and hurt you and the baby. Think long and hard about if its worth it to stick around in such a bad situation with so much ahead of you. Can you imagine raising a baby with him acting like this all the time? If not then get out before it gets worse. I hope God gives you the direction you need for the best solution to this situation. Good luck sweetie and keep me posted so I know you are safe :)
3 years ago
Having come from an emotionaly abusive marriage, all I can say is GET OUT NOW before you are stuck because of the baby. I don't think my situation would have ever gotten to marriage if it were not for baby #1. I ended up being with him for 5 years and another baby. I love my kids dearly, but sometimes I wish I hadn't had them with the dad they have.Please do your baby the favor of getting out and getting help if you need it.Good luck :)
3 years ago
i agree with the other answers its not a good situation for the baby to be in and its not good for you to be stressed or upset its better to get out of that situation before you have the baby because once you have the baby it will be harder to leave you gotta do whats better for you and your little one. good luck! :)
3 years ago
I have seen this before, and it took my Aunt almost losing her son to fianlly have the courage to leave. Don't let it get to this point. You know its wrong, and you know that you need out thats why you are posting this. You just need to hear it from someone else-and everyone is telling you what needs to be done. Please please get out his behavior is going to get worse, sure he will have his "good" days but that is not enough. Be strong!!!!!
3 years ago
I am a social worker and Domestic Violence couselor. You are seeing the tip of the iceburg and its only going to get worse. He straightened up long enough to get you back under his control and now its fun time for him. Get OUT!!!!!!!! There are plenty of ways for children to get healthy male influences you don't have to stay with an abuser because he's the father of your child. Contact your local YWCA or Domestic Violence hotline. They can provide support as you make the transition away from him. Once you make steps to leave he might try to get you back by being extra nice or more controlling so be prepared. Document his tirades now by pressing the memo button on your phone or tape phone conversations. If it comes to court you want all the proof you can. I promise things will not change he is who he is.
3 years ago
Get out while you still can, I've been there.. done that.. it only gets worse.. and believe me it's not some silly phase.. he's an abuser and there are plenty of men like him and they deserve a nice ass whipping.. SPEAKING OF WHICH you stick around with this scum and thats what YOU WILL GET.. IT ALWAYS starts with verbal abuse.. trust me sweetie it's gonna get physical.. GET THE HECK OUT NOW!!!!! and DO NOT look back!!! for the safety of your baby.. get out. I'd rather be a single mom and have the baby have NO father than an abusive one..
3 years ago
Honey, you need to get out NOW!!!!!! That is not a situation any one should be in regardless if they are pg or not.The others are right. It won't get better it will get worse. Get out now while you still can. I'll be praying for you.
3 years ago
Being the child of an abusive marriage, your kid will appreciate you leaving now.  I watched my dad beat on my mom for years.  I remember once, when I was about 5, my dad had my mom pinned to the bed and was screaming at her.  I took the comb out of his back pocket hoping he would follow me and get off my mom.  It was the only thing I could think to do.  I was 5, I shouldn't have known that kind of fear.  My dad finally left and I remember being happy (I figured it out right away) and your kid will, too.  I am a Daddy's Girl, too,  I love my dad.  Your relationship with him will not influence your kid's relationship with him.  Let's just hope he's not mean to the kid as well.
3 years ago
This isn't a phase. RUN. It only gets worse. No exceptions.

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