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How do I stay sane when I'm at odds with the baby daddy & his family?
How do I stay sane when I'm at odds with the baby daddy & his family?
I'm a divorced mother of 3 boys; ages 13,11, & 6. Ex-husband & I have had an on-off relationship since our divorce 4 years ago with no one knowing but us, in other words just sex. He was my highschool sweetheart whom I still love to this day. Divorce wasn't something I wanted but it happened. When we get along its good but the majority of the time it seems we don't get along. We both have been in other relationships but always seem to come back to each other. I feel as though GOD keeps bringing us back together but apparently not. Anyway, I am now expecting our 4th child and we aren't even on speaking terms. Says he'll do what he can but he has a girlfriend. He doesn't want to talk, asked if he wanted to get back together & he has said he's not interested. I'm asking for ideas on how to make peace without him, haven't been able to do that. Also, I was at one point closer to his family than my own & since the divorce they want nothing to do with me. It's been hard these last 4 years getting help from him & his family for the boys & now here comes another. It's driving me crazy.
answers (4)
You need to make a clean break I know it can be hard but you have to. It might be best if you can to put some distance between you. I knew someone that was in a relationship like this. They got together in high school had kids together and then divorced. They were together for nealy 20 years and it was hard to make a clean break until he moved away and she was able to really start a new life without him. You need to remove him as an option because if he is always there then you will always go back. I know it is hard and being a single mom is tough. If he does not want to pay child support then you may have to take him to court. It is the law and if he wont write checks the state can take it from his pay checks (if he has a job) Four kids is a lot for a family with 2 working parents and one working parent it is pretty much close to impossible to support and be there for every special event. Try talking to him about things before going to the next level. Maybe show him this is what I get for food and this is what is cost. I need help, teenage boys eat A LOT!
Hope things work out
You need to make a clean break I know it can be hard but you have to. It might be best if you can to put some distance between you. I knew someone that was in a relationship like this. They got together in high school had kids together and then divorced. They were together for nealy 20 years and it was hard to make a clean break until he moved away and she was able to really start a new life without him. You need to remove him as an option because if he is always there then you will always go back. I know it is hard and being a single mom is tough. If he does not want to pay child support then you may have to take him to court. It is the law and if he wont write checks the state can take it from his pay checks (if he has a job) Four kids is a lot for a family with 2 working parents and one working parent it is pretty much close to impossible to support and be there for every special event. Try talking to him about things before going to the next level. Maybe show him this is what I get for food and this is what is cost. I need help, teenage boys eat A LOT!
Hope things work out
I have never been married. I have never had the ability to understand that connection between a married couple. However, with my ex, I felt that sense of connection and trust that I believe someone feels in a marriage. When I told him I was pregnant, he left within an hour. More like 30 minutes. A trip to Fry's and back home and I was gone like nothing had ever happened. He doesn't talk to me and has said he wants to sign over his rights to his "mistake". Sometimes, just moving on is the only way to get over it. It hurts, there is not a thing in the world that will help you feel better, and you will question it every day. But being without someone who just doesn't care enough is better than staying and being in a stressful or difficult situation. I agree, you need a clean break. You don't need any closure. Just move on and live without him. You will be such a better and happier person.
The big question is whether or not he wants to be a part of his children's lives. It's his right as their father and your children deserve the chance to know him and his family. If he wants to be in your children's lives he will always be a part of yours.
Clearly, he doesn't want to be in a romantic relationship with you. I'm sure that's incredibly difficult, but it should be obvious since you two haven't had more than "booty calls" since you divorced. If you can't figure out how to get over your relationship with him you may need to see a therapist.
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