How to get husband to relax with toddler??

Is your husband's attitude new, or has he always described your son this way? How long have the two of you been together? This is the kind of behavior I would expect in the beginning of a relationship, not after the two of you are married. I'm a little confused as to why your husband hasn't had more time getting to know your children.

I've got 3 kids 4 years and under. So I definitely know what toddler behavior is like. My son is 2 1/2 and has his crazy moments. Thankfully, my kids got their tantrum phases out of the way when they were about 10 months old, so that hasn't been an issue for us. But, toddlers in general, and especially little boys, have endless energy and no volume control. I jokingly call my older two the "Lilos" to my 10 month old "Stitch".

You haven't given much description of your son's behavior, but you say it's pretty normal. If that's the case, your husband is most likely overreacting and is being extremely rude when talking about him to other people. You need to stand up for your son. Regardless of whether or not your son's behavior is normal or out of control, this man is now his father. He needs to love your son unconditionally. He needs to be respectful when talking about whatever family frustrations he may have. If your husband's attitude doesn't change, it's likely that it will create a rift between the two of them that will become bigger and more problematic as time goes on.