My husband and I learned how to phrase things so they are not judgements of the other people. Try going to him and saying, "When you do abc, it makes me feel xyz," No one can/should denigrate how you feel, and you are not attacking him, so there may be less chance he'll get defensive. For instance, you could say, "When you don't talk about the miscarriage, it makes me feel like I can't talk about it either, and I really need to because I am so sad it hurts." or "When you are so quiet about what happened, it makes me feel like maybe you think it was my fault. Can we talk about that?" and then JUST talk about that part of it. For whatever reason, he does not talk about emotions--not unusual for men. If you keep pushing him to, it will lead to fights. But if you ask if he can listen to you talk about YOUR feelings, and let him know you are not looking for him to solve anything (not that a miscarriage is solvable), but just to listen and make sympathetic noises, he may respond well to that. You could also ask him what he needs/wants you to do for him, if anything. Then, respect that. Best wishesP.S. I had a miscarriage after my firstborn, and then successfully had another baby. Miscarriages are incredibly common since pregnancy tests are so accurate so early now. Before that, women would have thought they were just having a heavy period. Also, a great book to read is "You Just Don't Understand" by Deborah Tannen, about how men and women communicate. It helped my husband and I a TON!