I'm really sorry for everything you've been through. I know how it feels to be in a place where you are seeking support and people gang up on you. It makes everything that much harder to deal with. Sometimes the best thing is to see a therapist to help you deal with things. The internet isn't a great place for a lot of reasons. People don't know you, don't know your history and are often judgmental and rude because normal rules of etiquitte don't apply.While I do feel you made some stupid decisions, what you've been through isn't really your fault. I know how hormones affect reasoning and I know how it feels to want to do anything to have another baby. After my son was born we decided not to have more kids. My husband was scheduled to meet with a urologist to get a vasectomy. Three weeks after Harrison was born I had the strongest desire to have more kids and I felt like I'd go crazy if I didn't have at least one more baby. I was desperate and was crazy enough that I honestly tried to seduce my husband so that I could get pregnant before he got his vasectomy. It was only 2 or 3 months after Harrison was born but I didn't care because I knew what I needed. Thankfully, my plan didn't work and instead, my husband and I talked things out.We agreed that we would have another baby and my husband knew that I would try for twins. I thought about getting some Clomid either from a doctor or online, either of which would have been risky and stupid. I opted for herbal supplements instead. I was sure they'd work, but at my 20 week ultrasound there was only one baby. I was happy to learn I was having another little girl but I was devastated that there weren't two babies. My husband was absolutely against me getting pregnant again and I felt like I wanted to die. At that point all I could feel, all I could see was that I wasn't going to have the family I'd always imagined. I love my kids and I love my husband. What we have is great, but it wasn't what I'd always dreamed. To make me feel better he said we could just wait and see how things went, how I (and our budget) handled three kids. But I still knew his ultimate decision and it wasn't what I wanted.As I've progressed through this pregnancy, knowing he only wanted three kids my heart just couldn't handle it. So I began to feel like I was carrying twins after all. Every little thing gave me hope that there was a secret baby. Measuring big, feeling weird movements that shouldn't be possible with only one baby, etc. Everything told me I had two babies even though I knew there was only one. And that disconnect with what I knew for sure and what I felt was seriously driving me crazy and I thought about it all the time. Just a couple of days ago I was feeling my baby move in four different directions at once and I felt around on my belly. All I could feel was one baby's body and in that instant I finally stopped thinking there were two. Even though I want more, I'm happy with what I have. I'm extremely lucky to have two wonderful children and another on the way. We're finally starting to get prepared for her arrival and I couldn't be happier. Our family is going to be getting the best Christmas present possible and I really couldn't wish for anything else.So just when I come to terms with the fact that we're having one baby and that we probably won't have any more, my husband throws me a curveball. Last night he started talking about how much he wants to have another little boy and how great it would be to have a family just a little bit bigger. He even started asking about how we could fit four carseats in our SUV (it's a 2012 GMC Acadia with a third row). So it looks like his desire to try for another boy is starting to outweigh his hesitations about potentially having three girls. And of course, I couldn't be happier.So, I know how you feel. I've been there. Our situations may be different, but I know what it's like to feel completely alone, stressed and helpless. But having come out the other side, I know that things can change at the drop of a hat. Things get better. Things get awesome and sometimes all it takes is a change in perspective or attitude. You have a beautiful little girl. Enjoy every second you have with her because every second is precious. Every second is amazing. I've had more than my share of family problems and I know how awful it can be. But sometimes there's a point where you just have to forget about their opinions. You have to stop listening to what they have to say. If you're not getting along with them right now, give yourself a break from them. You and your husband need to keep going to therapy both jointly and individually. You've both been through some very traumatic events and it's normal to need some outside perspective to help you deal with everything. Keep your head up. Things will get better.