All my life I have had irrational fears, at 12 I thought I was dying of aids before I had even had sex, At 13 I thought for sure I had cancer, And I remember being younger and worrying that I would get diarrhea so I wouldn't go anywhere. This is my newest fear and I guess it's been in my head for a while now I just never looked into it as much as I do now,I worry that I am gay. I remember being in kindergarden and I had the biggest crush on this kid Austin and then I remember liking this kid Justin in 1st grade, and around 10 I had a crush on this guy Logan, about a year ago I had a crush on Patrick my nephews friend. Or even now I am dating someone I love him, but it feels like we are slowly drifting apart. Going by my past I would consider myself straight, however I remember having a friend named Makayla when I was 5 and I thought she was so pretty and her little sister was so cute and she was perfect and had the life I wanted, so I pretended my baby doll was her sister kirsten and I would pretend I was her. And about a year ago I met this girl Madalynn and I loved her personality and I wanted to become her, or even my cousin Eileen I thought she was so pretty and perfect and I tried to act like her and be her.So sometimes I have feelings towards girls but it's mostly like I wanna be you type of thing I think. But lately I have been so worried about becoming gay, sometimes I trick myself into thinking I could like a girl because of it, there are sometimes when it's obvious to me that I like guys, and other times it's more difficult. I have talked to my mom but I think she doesn't know what to say anymore, and we are gonna go to a therapist and the doctor has already said I have a severe hormone in-balence that's why I was taking birth control. But just to point out I have had this fear before but I always known I wasn't gay so I could push it out of my head. But when I started taking the birth control it made me sick to my stomach so I stopped taking it, and fora few months afterward my periods were great other then cramps I wasn't upset all the time it was great, then about a month ago all this started, is it possible that the birth control messed up my hormones and confused the hell out of me? Or is it possible that I have always been gay and just never figured it out, can you become gay? And to tell you another story, when I was like 12 me and my neice would play house, she would be my husband and we could pretend to have sex she would lay on top of me ( not naked) and hump me pretty much, then we figured out it felt good so we kept doing it. We have always been close so you know it wasn't really awkward or anything untill now. And another thing I want to point out is I get turned on my lesbian porn, and like girls moaning. I think it's because I pretend like it's me but Idk, and sometimes I fantasize about being eatin out by girls when I masturbate, does that mean anything? I have noticed it doesn't really do much for me when I think about guys, I still notice hot guys and when I think of my life in the future I think of me marrid to a guy with kids, and the fact that I have always been attracted to guys says something right? And sometimes I imagine me having sex with guys and it turns me on. Do I sound gay to you? I don't think I am but is it possible. I consider myself straight but I still have that fear, is it just a crazy fear like all the other ones? I had a lesbian dream once does that mean anything??????? And I do notice pretty girls, but doesn't everyone???