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My 20 month old is going on 10yrs old.He is very stubborn and defient?

2 answers
3 years ago
In the last month or so his attitude has done a complete 180 degrees. He used to never really whine or get fussy unless he was wet, hungry or tired. This last month he has been that way with every thing! Even if you are trying to do fun stuff with him. He will push your hand away and refuse help! Mr. Independent! And sometimes no matter what I do or try it does not seem to not work. I have been doing "time-outs" all day long. I have now started putting that gate up in the doorway to his room and putting him in his room for a "time-out", because he never actually stays in a "time-out" chair. The word "No" means nothing to him and when I pick him up to move him away from what ever it may be at the time that he is not suppose to be doing he screams and flails around. It is getting hard to bring him out in public because of his "Tantrums." Any suggestions are welcomed! :)

answers (2)

3 years ago
Is he teething? He should be working on his second set of molars and his canines some time soon. Those teeth are quite painful as the cut through and they are slow to come in. That irritation can make for some major fussiness. If he is teething, try some teething tablets, they worked wonders for my kids.Or, it could be the beginning of the "terrible twos". They actually go in 6 month cycles starting around 18 months when kids begin to go through big emotional and physical development. The emtional development often makes kids want to exercise more control in their lives, often in the form of tantrums. Make sure you give your son the option to make choices whenever you can. Let him choose between two shirts when you change his clothes, two snacks, two bedtime stories, etc. I've done this with my kids since they were just a fw months old and it definitely makes things a lot easier. They get to make decisions for themselves and I get fewer tantrums.Finally, make sure you're consistent with your discipline. Explain why certain behaviors aren't allowed (when he's misbehaving), give him two chances to stop and if he doesn't, remove him from the situation. Give him a time out, take away a toy he's throwing, leave a store if he's yelling, etc. Explain why he can't do what he's doing and what will happen if he doesn't stop, give him the option of stopping on his own, and follow through with whatever punishment is appropriate for the situation. It takes a lot of work and it can be frustrating, but it does work.And, if you end up having more kids, start the discipline early! My kids learned early on that good behavior in pubolic got them lots of attention and once they started crawling they learned what "no" meant. I've always felt like a super strict mama and I would feel weird when other parents would give me looks. But, with two toddlers (16 months and almost 3 years) it's important. And my husband and I have been getting compliments on what great parents we are befause of how cute and well behaved our kids are, so I know the work (and the looks from other moms) is definitely worth it!
LAD
3 years ago
I agree with the above. Remember, every mom goes thru this, but not every mom is resolved enough to do what needs to be done. I agree about the teething, it affects each child differently. And the word 'no' means nothing without consistent consequences, you can't change your mind after you say 'no'. I say stick with the timeouts. I don't think his entire room should be the timeout spot and the timeout spot shouldn't be in his room. Watch some suppernanny, I like her method. Sometimes you have to be strong and just put him in the timeout spot 30 times knowing that you're doing what NEEDS to be done, and it will get better. The flailing is common at this age... and beyond. Don't shun his independence, it is the ultimate goal after all! :) I've always pushed my own kids & my preschool students (15-30 mos) to be independent. I think it fosters an intelligent, self-confident child. I agree with giving choices for the same reason. I always say to assume a child can do much more than what you've seen them do. It's a great thing to behold when they do. For example, I had students that would take their shoes off even though they'd been told not to. They'd bring me their slip-on shoes or buckle mary janes and ask me to put them on. The other teacher in the class would put them on for them, even if we were in no hurry to go somewhere, because she's that type of mother - she does way too much for her own kids (wiping booties at 7 y.o. is too much). I on the other hand will sit in the floor and teach them how to do it themselves even if their own mothers do it for them. Why shouldn't they? Nobody will claim it's child abuse to make kids learn to put their own shoes on, even if they don't want to. At the very least, kindergartners are smart enough to be taught to open milk cartons, tie their shoes, and button/zip their pants, or moms should buy slip-on/velcro shoes and pull-up elastic waist pants. Now I'm an elementary school teacher and I'm amazed how much food gets thrown away every day at lunch. I poll the kids that do this and they all have the same answer; they don't pack their own lunch. My kids have been packing their lunch since 3rd grade. I buy the food, they choose the night before what they want, make it, and I randomly check them to make sure they're balanced and to see what's 'on trend' for each of them. They do have guidelines (protein, fruit, & salty or sweet), they can't pack just chips and cookies! I also ask them to bring home anything they don't eat so I can buy something different if I need to (unless it leeks!). Since they're 'in charge' of their lunches, very little is wasted. Do set up some boundaries NOW in regards to what you expect for behavior and don't let him 'wear you down'. My friends & I also discovered that it's important that other caregivers (dad, grandma) are made aware of and SUPPORT the 'expected behavior' that you're establishing with your child/children. I had a friend that couldn't even go to the grocery store at night because she couldn't get her husband to not 'give in' to their daughter and he 'undid' 2 weeks of potty training in one bathroom visit. I can tell you that you HAVE to be more stubborn than your children, and calm stubbornness is the best for everybody. I know it's hard, but you have to turn off that part of your brain that wants to do ANYthing to make him stop crying, especially when he's crying because he's just not getting his way. But don't be so stubborn that you can't alter your discipline 'plan' if it just isn't working, but not after only trying a couple of days depending on what you're trying to accomplish and how stubborn he can be. One of my twins came out of the birth canal trying to control the world. It has been a daily (hourly?) battle that takes a good portion of my dwindling brain power to fight. You may have heard this before, but it doesn't get any easier! Your 'expected behavior' can change & evolve weekly, sometimes daily when kids bodies & minds are growing & changing so rapidly. You need to be strong EVERY day, 'cause the next day will likely present you with a new battle. Don't get defeated, just get resolved. JMHO. I have a 17 yo and 2 13 yo. I have always received compliments on their behavior & manners which I really believe has aided in their high intelligence. It takes/has taken a LOT of resolve, blood, sweat, tears and prayer.

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