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My 5 year old daughter doesn't want me, she wants her grandma as mom.

9 answers
3 years ago

answers (9)

3 years ago
hey.very good question.actually i used to the same thing as an infant and my daughter does the same thing at 3yrs old. it makes you think what are you doing so bad that they dont want you?!? My daughter is extremely attached to her grandma and sometimes it does hurt when she wants her more than me.But this what i can say to you,she might want her because thats your mom and shes probaly just curious.
3 years ago
They love Grandma becuase Grandma doesn't discipline like mom, and they can get away with more! I find being pregnant that my daughter gets upset because I can't do some things with her, because of the baby. It's totally normal.
3 years ago
When my son was 3 my fam fell on hard times and had to move into my parents house. Right away my son started calling my mom his grandma mommy and running to her for everything, skinned knees tucking in at bedtime i mean everything. It's like i didn't exist all of a sudden. It hurts so much to see your child want someone more then you when they need that extra comfort. Then I realized I called her mom and i went to here when i was sad or hurt. I had set the example of how nurturing and loving grandma was. Just know it does go away. Kids go through phases and this one just like all the others will pass. Just make sure your doing everything you can to show her how much you love her. Take extra time to make her feel special and I guess in a weird way win back her attention. If you know your doing your best to be there for her in every way then chalk it up to a phase. As much as it makes you feel crappy is will go away and all she will want is her mommy. And remember you can always out do grandma after all you are mommy. A little ice cram with those eggs never hurt anyone lol. Im sure your a wonderful mother, dont beat your self up over this, your not the only one that has been though this. 
3 years ago
This was a really hard question for me to read and answer honestly, because I don't know what kind of a mother you really are.  I can assume because you asked the question and are concerned that you really are a loving and attentive mother, but I can tell you from experience that not all children who turn to a grandparent have that same kind of parent at home.  My neice is 5 years old and has never really had a connection with her mother.  She loves her mother, but not the same way she loves my mother in law.  When she is sick, she wants Grandma, when she does something well, she wants Grandma.  She lives with both her mommy and daddy and has an extremely loving relationship with her daddy, but they don't live but maybe 5-10 minutes from my in laws.  My neice will run past or under her mother's arms to get to daddy at the end of the day.  She spends A LOT of time over at her grandparents house, nights, weekends, holidays, etc.  I've always had issues with that because to me it put distance between her and her mother.  The only way my sister in law knows how to play with her is by putting make up on her or shopping with her.  She doesn't take the time to find out what my niece is interested in and always puts herself before anyone else in their family. I am DEFINITELY NOT saying this is your fault at all or that the situations are anything alike, but I do agree with ashley's mommy that taking extra special time or doing special things just you and her will go a long way to strengthing your bond.  Make sure you do things that she's interested in.  Really look at your relationship to make sure that you both are getting out of it what you need and want.  Sometimes as busy adults, we tend to get what needs to be done mixed up with what we want to do especially with our kids.  I have to be really careful that when I'm at home it's about my kids, not always about needing to do housework, or catch up on bills. I have to put it aside and have a fun day on the floor playing games. I hope this helps some.  I think because you are concerned that you are a good mother and just need to find that special thing that can be just the two of yours.   
3 years ago
 know this may sound hard to believe, but from the time babies transition to toddlers and figure out for themselves how to get their needs met, they are constantly experimenting in a dance of manipulation and control. Your child may be using this as a manipulation tactic to get you to feel bad so she can get what she wants. Yes, children learn quickly how to manipulate their parents, even at age 2. To learn more about this, check out any parenting book by Kevin Leman.  Also, take heart; this kind of  behavior and cognitive thinking process may point to a special giftness in interpersonal skills. Read up on the multiple intelligence theory of Gardner. You just might have an Einstein on your hands! The key thing here is your response - this is a parent's most powerful resourse. How you respond to your child will set the tone for everything. Try not to respond emotionally; keeping an even keel without spiked emotions will yeild the best results.
3 years ago
Great advice ali!
3 years ago
My 3 year old went through the same thing for about a month. She kept telling me she wanted to go live with her Nana ( my mother) and it hurt so bad. I had a very hard time bonding with her because I went through a divorce while pregnant with her and then I didn't get to bring her home for 4 days after I had her. I got to see her one time after I had her and then she was in NICU. They didn't bother to tell me I could go see her so I sat alone. Anyways it made a very strained relationship for the two of us. However after that I have made it a point of holding her more and giving her more attention and love. Now she doesn't really do it anymore. She did do it the other day when we had to leave my mom's house to go home. So I completely agree that it is a manipulation game. But I also think the attention plays a big part in it. I would definitely try some one on one bonding time focused on her interests and bringing the two of you closer together. If that doesn't work maybe you, your daughter and her grandma can all sit down and try to figure out what is going on. It might be that grandma isn't as stern about things getting done. Or maybe she doesn't discipline her. These are both things that can be taken care of easily. Good luck sweetie :)
3 years ago
My 3 year old went through the same thing for about a month. She kept telling me she wanted to go live with her Nana ( my mother) and it hurt so bad. I had a very hard time bonding with her because I went through a divorce while pregnant with her and then I didn't get to bring her home for 4 days after I had her. I got to see her one time after I had her and then she was in NICU. They didn't bother to tell me I could go see her so I sat alone. Anyways it made a very strained relationship for the two of us. However after that I have made it a point of holding her more and giving her more attention and love. Now she doesn't really do it anymore. She did do it the other day when we had to leave my mom's house to go home. So I completely agree that it is a manipulation game. But I also think the attention plays a big part in it. I would definitely try some one on one bonding time focused on her interests and bringing the two of you closer together. If that doesn't work maybe you, your daughter and her grandma can all sit down and try to figure out what is going on. It might be that grandma isn't as stern about things getting done. Or maybe she doesn't discipline her. These are both things that can be taken care of easily. Good luck sweetie :)
7 months ago
I'm going thru this phase rite now :( my daughter calls my sis in law "mama".. whenever she is infront of her,my daughter start calling her mama and ignores me completely :( my sis in law live upstairs so my daughter just go upstairs and then she doesn't wanna come back:( feeling horrible :(need help

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