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My SO is pregnt but she does not want baby.Can this relationship last?

7 answers
3 years ago
<p> The last few weeks have been an emotional rollercoaster for my SO and I b/c she does not want the baby with the sole reason saying she's not ready physically and emotionally. She is in her late 20s and I am in my early 30s, both with established and stable careers so financially supporting a child is not an issue. <p> I feel that we are ready but we are not married at this moment but I would devote my life to her and the child. We've been together for 3 years and I thought we knew each other well and is only a matter of time. I even bought a ring shortly after knowing she's pregnant. However, she strongly objects to having this baby right now but she had indicated that she does eventually want a baby, say in 2 years time. There is support from both sides of the family for us and the baby. I don't understand what the problem is. She just said she's not ready and really wants to abortion. I am pretty sure that I am the father of the child. <p> She had became more depressed as time went on. We had finally scheduled an abortion in the next few days and I will be attending the procedure with her. I thought long and hard about our future and whether we can overcome this ordeal. In my mind, I don't think we can be together after all of this and I know she knows this as well. I am deeply sadden to have to drop this relationship b/c I truly love her and just don't understand how she could "throw everything" away because of this? I tried to understand her position but I don't think I could cope with myself with her going forward, especially if we are going to have a child in the future. Things happening now would all come back to me. So, does this relationship have a chance? Am I second guessing myself?

answers (7)

3 years ago
Whats an SO?
3 years ago
I am also confused as to what a SO is. It is up to you whether or not you can handle what has happened. But if you can't then get out of it, do not stay in somthing you no longer want to be in.
3 years ago
SO is significant other...
3 years ago
Are you sure about how she feels for you? Are you sure that the baby is yours? These are tough questions that I'm sure has come up in your mind.  Your relationship is at a significant fork at this time and if she is willing to put everything on the line then you might as well know why. You need to find out the root of why she feels the way she does, she needs to be honest and open with you, and you need to prepare yourself with what you might find out which could make or break your relationship. But don't fret, her reason may be as simple as "I'm just not a baby person," which is ok 'cause some people are not, to "I've cheated," or "Im just not inlove with you anymore." Persue the issue but with love and care.I'm sorry you are going thru this. Here's hoping for the best. Be strong!
3 years ago
My brother went through a similar thing a couple years ago with his girlfriend.  She ended up having the abortion.  It was really hard for him, and us, too, because we all wanted the baby.  They broke up, but got back together and ended up conceiving again.  They kept the baby, and she is beautiful.  I'd like to say everything is hunky dory with them, but it's still rocky.  My brother still struggles with a lot of feelings about the termination of the first pregnancy, and harbors resentment about it.  If she has the abortion, and you choose to stay together, you have to be willing to deal with any feelings of resentment that may come up, or they will eat you alive.  There is free counseling available a lot of places if you do a google search.  I'm not saying that's how it will work out with you; I'm just sharing from my family's experience.  I wish you two the best.  
3 years ago
I am sorry this is happening.  However, it is her choice.  I'd ask you to think about a few things.  You say you're "pretty sure" the baby is yours.  This means you don't trust this woman or that you don't have an exclusive relationship, neither of which is a good basis for a lasting relationship.  You say that you bought her a ring shortly after you found out she's pregnant.  Right now, that is telling her you only want to commit because of the baby.  This is not a good reason to get married.  Finally, you say you love her, but that you can't maintain the relationship if she has an abortion.  It's not clear to me if you have a moral objection to abortion or if you're upset because you think this is something she's doing to YOU or to YOUR child.  If it's the former, then you must break off the relationship as you are right, you're never going to be able to resolve this in your mind and you'll only hurt yourself and her in the long run.  If it's the latter, then you need to know this is NOT how she sees this and it's not true.  She is not doing this TO you, this is her body, her life and her decision.You need to be having this discussion with her and perhaps with a counselor, one who specializes in relationships, not a pro-life, pro-choice or religious counselor. 
3 years ago
I don't agree with Leahh at all. It's not just her decision, this is your baby too and you have just as much a say in this as she does. An abortion is not only a bad choice, it's something that will always carry with you and it could ultimately destroy your relationship. If she truly isn't ready to be a mom, she should at least consider adoption, and give your child the right to live. If you want this baby, you really need to talk to her about this before it's too late.I'm not sure if she's being completely honest with you either. She wants an abortion now, but want's a baby in 2 years? That doesn't make a lot of sense to me. This sounds a little bit more seroius that I'm just not ready. If you still want to be with her, be careful, she may have some answers that are going to hurt. And please think twice about this abortion, God has a purpose and there is a purpose in this pregnancy.

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