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Please help me...

1 answers
2 years ago
Hello, I am married for 8 yrs with 2 kids. Yesterday night after 10-15 days me n DH was having physical relation.Was doing after long time so both were excited but as it started my DH said that he want to share with me something.I said ok tell me.He started saying that please don't get angry on me,you are the only lady in my life and ILU,but this has happened and it is reality...I said ok,tell me further.(He likes to watch porn very much,so i thought may be he has chatted online with somebody and now feeling bad).But what he told shattered my 8 yrs happy married life.He said he had slept with another girl and that also twice. About that girl,she is his cousin,his mother's brother's DD.She failed in 10th std and after that she was staying with my inlaws from last 6 yrs and continued her studies.She has helped me lot in my post delivery time or whenever i stay at my inlaws place and had taken good care of my kids.I use to tell people she is more than a real sister to me. How he fall??-------We were on 1 month vacation in Dec.As we stay out of India there are lot of work related to banks and other stuff so my DH used to stay in Surat and myself at native place with my inlaws.He used to come on saturday or Sunday and then again back on Monday.We were going to fly from India on Friday night.So I went to my parents home on Tuesday and he was in Surat.He said that as he have not got time to spend with his parents he will go and stay there for 2 days and will come there on Thursday.We have our own house at native place with 2 bedrooms on first floor.When i was there i use to sleep in one BR with kids and his cousin(let say her as XX).When he use to be there on weekends he was sleeping in another bedroom and use to lock it or tell me to lock from outside so he can sleep peacefully. Now all as what he told me----He was sleeping in his room and XX in other room.After sometime she came in his room and she started intimacy with him and he did it.Second night same thing happened.He is saying that he never want to do this but for that moment he fall and from last 3 months he is trying to tell me and feels guilty about that. I can never expect my DH to fall for such moment.His sex drive is very high and my very low.Intially we were having lot of problem in our sexual relationship and that time i used to ask him that will he leave me for someone else or will he get lost for that one moment with any other girl?He used to say no and will never do that.Now everything was going fine and smooth so can't digest that he fall for moment. The questions i asked him and his answers as follows, 1)Why didn't he locked the room as he used to do before? Ans.--I forgot. 2)Why didn't he told her to go out of the room or stop her? Ans.--I told her and i slept making my face towards the wall but she was stubborn and she forced me. 3)Why again on second day he stayed ther,why he didn't locked the room?? Ans.--It was my mistake and please forgive me. Things i am not able to digest---Why he just slept making his face towards wall,he should have moved away from the room or had moved her out.Why on second day he gave her chance to come in his room.Why he was not able to control himself? He said that i was not willing to do intercourse but she forced me.So i asked him that means you were in senses and was knowing what are you doing?He said yess. After that day he came to my parents house,we went for outing then on next day as our vacation finished we came back here.He was normal at all time and enjoying. Everything here was also normal,even our physical relation also. He is asking me to forgive him and he will never do this again in his life.What should i do?I still don't believe what he has told is all true,but he is promising on me,my kids,his parents that he is feeling guilty for what he had did and will never do this again.He was telling me to get out of this and help him also to come out of this.But i am not able to believe this,if a man falls twice can't he fall for 3rd,4th and many more times. I have read many good and useful suggestions by members on all posts so please suggest me also to solve this problem.

answers (1)

2 years ago
No one can really tell you what to do. Only you know your entire situation, your history with your husband, etc. Only your husband knows why he did what he did and whether or not he will do it again. A lot of people go by the saying, "Once a cheater, always a cheater".If my husband slept with another woman I'm not sure what I would do. I feel there is a difference between a one night stand and a long-term relationship. That said, I do my best not to give my husband a reason to look eslewhere. It's not always easy, but I do what I can to make sure his emotional and physical needs are met. There are two things about your story that I don't understand. 1. Why don't you two sleep in the same bed? That would be a major red flag in my marriage.2. His cousin? I know other cultures have different beliefs regarding what constitutes inscest, but seriously? That's gross. I would not be able to look at my husband if he slept with a family member. I *might* be able to deal with another woman, but not if she were his cousin.

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