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Should a minor age daughter be allowed to have a boyfriend overnight?

19 answers
3 years ago
I'm a divorced dad. My daughters are teenagers and live with their mother elsewhere. There are also younger children in the house too. So here's what's happening: My ex-wife allows my (now 17) daughter to have her boyfriend stay overnight with her in the same house. The boyfriend even sleeps in the same bed with her. This has been happening for about a year now. I'm wondering how many other moms out there would think this is a good idea. I know what my thoughts are, but this even going on in the house has created some confusion for my younger children who now think it's okay to have a boyfriend or girlfriend stay the night with them. I've told them this would never happen in my house. Now I'd like to see what other parents think. If anyone out there believes this is okay, I'd really like to know why you think that. I'm not here to judge anyone. I'm here to find out if I'm just really out-dated, or if my ex-wife is out of touch with what good responsible parenting is.

answers (19)

3 years ago
No I don't think your old fashioned at all! I don't have children that old (my oldest is 2 and a half) I am 27 and think that letting an adolescent have a bf staying at night and sleeping with her is crazy! What good would ever come out of this? And why would you want a 17 yr old playing house? This is the time for her to be thinking about college, hanging out with friends, making plans for a car etc. Don't let her sell herself short on some boy who will undoubtly not last. There is plenty of time for the grown up stuff ( like living with someone) she should enjoy the rest of her youth!
3 years ago
I agree, the time will come soon enough when she wants to bring her boyfriend home from college etc.. My husband and I slept in seperate rooms at my parents house because I had sibilings that were 14 years my junior.
3 years ago
why would she set her daughter up to fail like that? Being the cool mommy is crap. If she had any normal sense she wouldnt let that go on in her house. What kind of mother is she? What happens if she gets pregnant? what is she gets a std? Letting her daughter be a slut isnt a great way to start adulthood out. It shows her no respect for herself. I feel bad for you. I wonder if there is anything you can do to stop it? She is ruining your daughter I wouldnt back down and agree to it. At least you will be able to lay down and sleep at night knowing you told her no that wont go on in your house. good luck wow blows my mind! No wonder she is your X
3 years ago
I think its a bad idea and a bad example for the younger children in the house.
3 years ago
You are not being old-fashioned; it appears to me that you are the only one who is thinking about the long-term life changing effects this could have on your daughter; it certainly is not okay for a boyfriend to spend the night with your daughter and definitely not in the same bed.  Perhaps if more parents were concerned with being a parent rather than being popular, children would not be in the situations they are in now. I rather be the parent than be my child's friend anyday; good for you dad!!
3 years ago
You are not being old-fashioned; it appears to me that you are the only one who is thinking about the long-term life changing effects this could have on your daughter; it certainly is not okay for a boyfriend to spend the night with your daughter and definitely not in the same bed.  Perhaps if more parents were concerned with being a parent rather than being popular, children would not be in the situations they are in now. I rather be the parent than be my child's friend anyday; good for you dad!!
3 years ago
I personally disagree with it completely and my husband and I never shared a bed in my parents' house until were married (their rule and our choice, as well).  But, personal feelings aside, you should know this...the neighbors across the street from me while I was growing up, had two sons and a daughter.  The daughter was allowed to have boyfriends staying with her from about the age of 14 b/c "they promised they aren't doing anything in her bed".  Well, not surprisingly she was pregnant with her first child by 15, had her second at 18, and there was ALWAYS family drama surrounding it that the neighborhood could not get away from.  They whole family was an absolute meance.  There are times to be your child's friend and there are times to be the rule-enforcing adult.  This is one of those times.  She shouldn't have her opportunities cut short because she makes a mistake that her parents could have prevented.
3 years ago
I am a 23 yr old mother and my mom used to try to be that "cool" mom who allowed me to have my bf sleep over. Back then I thought she was so cool but now I look back and am just grateful that I was smart enough to put myself on birth control and have some respect by not doing anything unprotect (even while on BC). I am now a mother (of a 15 month old) and I would never let my son sleep over his gfs house or vice versa! Where is the BFs mother?? Having a baby has consequences on BOTH parents not just your daughter. Your ex wife needs to wake up and smell the coffee before its too late for your daughter!! God Forbid she gets something more serious like AIDs. Maybe you should call DHS or take her to court for the sake of your daughter and other young children in the house. Good Luck!
3 years ago
i completely agree with you as well as with all the comments so far. i have two young daughters and this is something neither i nor my husband would ever tolerate. a 17 year-old is not ready to make the kind of decisions one needs to make when living with a boy - which is basically what she is being allowed to do. and the mother who is allowing this is making a huge mistake. i speak from experience because my parents are divorced, and my mother always let me do whatever i want. she tried to be a friend more than a mother, and as a result i have little respect for her. we have a decent relationship, but i would never let her keep my children overnight. i just don't see her as a positive influence and that has seriously harmed her relationship with her grandchildren. not to mention all the regrets i have from my teenage years, and the hurt i feel for not having a mother who tried to be a good influence. you should be concerned about pregnancy and STDs - both are a reality in this situation - but you should also be concerned about the long-term effects this will have on your daughter. she may not like it, and she certainly won't agree with you - but trust me - one day she will respect you for it and i bet you will have a great relationship with her and her kids (lets just hope the kids dont come too soon!). good luck to you and to her.
3 years ago
I would NEVER allow this. Although I would expect my teen to probably be having sex with her boyfriend if she's been with him a while, that doesn't mean I'm going to make it easy on them! I don't think kids should be allowed to have their bf/gf over for as long as they're in high school. When they're older and in college, I think it would be okay to let them stay in the same bed if they'd been dating for quite a while, but if not I would insist on separate beds (even though that probably wouldn't stop them). When my child is an adult, on her own, and completely supporting herself, then I'll throw the "separate beds" rule out the window, since it seems silly to make two independent adults sleep in different beds.Just make sure to tell your daughter to NEVER move in with a man until she's got a ring on her finger and a deposit at the reception hall. You're a guy, so you know what guys really want when their girlfriends move in... easy access to sex, regular company, someone to pay half the bills, and probably keep things clean. AKA, all the benefits of a wife without the committment.

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