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What to do?

12 answers
3 years ago
My husband told me he doesn't know if he wants to be with me or not. I am completely devistated and don't know what to do. I will be 32 weeks pregnant with his baby tomorrow. I have 3 kids from a previous marriage but they all call him daddy because we have been together since right after I found out I was pregnant with the youngest. I keep asking him what he wants me to do and all he says is he doesn't know. I have no job and no where to go if he decides to leave me. My parents would let me stay with them but they really don't have room for us. I don't know if I should stay and see if he decides our marriage is worth fixing or go ahead and start trying to find somewhere to go. I also have my baby shower coming up 2 weeks from this Saturday and I don't know how I'm going to be able to be around his family and act like I'm fine. We have a very strained relationship with his family and this past June we moved and stopped talking to them until recently.We were kicked out of our church because of stuff between us and his family. Since then he has been a completely different person and does nothing but play his xbox. I knew that it was really hard on him so I left him alone but it has only gotten worse and now he's thinking about leaving me. I just can't stand sitting around waiting on an answer and feeling like I'm dying inside! I have 3 kids that I'm trying to protect and keep from knowing anything is wrong but I can't stop crying. And he just acts like I don't exist! Any suggestions on how this can resolve on a good note? Anybody know what I'm going through? I feel so empty and betrayed but I love him and don't want to lose him. Any help is GREATLY appreciated! Thanks.

answers (12)

3 years ago
I know its really hard on you right now but for your health and health of your children its best to move on. So you may have to struggle for a little bit out on your own but why stay with a man who clearly doesnt want to be married anymore. Also any man that would leave his pregnant wife isnt really a man at all and you need to get out and find you a better one. Also all the family drama makes me think hes a bit of a immautre trouble maker. Let him sit on the couch all day and play xbox while you move on to bigger and better things. He is the one who will have to answer for his sins one day. He may end up missing out on some of the best things in life before he realizes what he lost. You dont need you children around this man for them to see how he treats you. Go ahead and get out on your own and you may just be suprised how much happier you will be. Good luck doll
3 years ago
Well this evening he decided he needed a "vacation" to decide if he still wants to be with me. So me and the kids are staying with my parents. He told me he still wants to help name the baby but I couldn't get him to care while we were together! Then he asked if I was going to call him when I went into labor if we weren't together. I can't think of any good reason to put myself through the emotional trauma of having him there when I'm in labor if he doesn't want to be with me. Thanks for your answer and your support.
3 years ago
If he does decide he wants to be with you, you need to go to couple's counseling and you should each see a therapist separately.
3 years ago
Parents who abandon their marriage and children should be ashamed of themselves. What ever happened to "for better or worse?" These aren't just words, they are COMMITMENTS.My mother, who is now 54, was in this exact position before I was born. My father was distant and verbally abusive. When she became pregnant, she was overjoyed, but my father never pulled his weight. At three months old, she filed for divorce, after she found his mistress holding me at a party!As a child, I respected my mother's choice to divorce my father and although he kept up with his visitation, our time together paled in comparison to the time with my mother. She was my rock, my stability, my compassion, my love. I always knew, growing up, that she was the "better parent" because she fought to keep me healthy and safe. She COMMITED to raising me.Even as I type this, my eyes are welling with tears for you and what you are going through. But from the perspective of a child who has been through a timultuous parental relationship.... ask your partner to attend counseling. If he refuses, he is breaking his COMMITMENT to you and your children. Do not subject yourself, or your children, to a lifetime of seeing two parents who do not love and honor each other. It will only teach them the wrong characteristics to look for in their own relationships.Good luck to you and your family. Women are strong and I pray that God gives you the guidance you need.
3 years ago
And for those who think children who come from divorce are "damaged" let me say this:When I realized my parents were divorced, I did have feelings of resentment and question why I "didn't have a daddy". However my mother was strong enough to hold the role of both parents. She stimulated me through education, we took inexpensive family vacations, I was involved in sports, music, etc.Now, as a mother and wife myself, I know the characteristics to look for in a healthy relationship. Your kids CAN survive divorce/separation, given the right tools and support.
3 years ago
Thank you ladies for all of your support. I haven't told the kids why we are at my parent's house yet because I'm hoping he will come to his senses and miss us. Thank God they haven't asked me why we aren't sleeping at home! They do keep asking me why I'm crying and all I can say is that I'm sad because I don't want to hurt them. I feel like I'm dying and all I want is for him to call and say I miss you please come back home. I know he misses the kids but I don't think he misses me. I know our relationship was not very good and I did want something to happen to fix things but this is definitely not anything like what I wanted. How do I tell them if he doesn't decide for us to come home soon? Even though the 3 I all ready have aren't his they all look at him like daddy and that's how he looks at it too. How do I tell them daddy might not want us any more? I can't hurt them like that because they've been through it once with their real dad. I never thought in a million years that he would hurt me like this. If he does want me back how do I get past this and trust him? I had huge trust issues to start with and I know me not trusting him will make things worse. I can't imagine a life without him. He told me today to just be patient when I told him that I don't want this. I really appreciate your prayers kourion 74 I really need it.
3 years ago
Please don't "stay together for the kids." My parents did that and it just made for a house full of miserable people, them and us. He sounds just awful and I'm so sorry. Also, why does he get the house?? I would get a lawyer ASAP, and get the ball rolling on divorce and especially child support. If he's been acting as a father to the other kids, maybe you can get support for them, too. I hope so. Good luck!
ASZ
3 years ago
Remember you need to set an example for your children. Do you want them to think its ok to be pushed around and just accept whatever sad treatment this man is dishing out to you? I am a single mom so I know what a challenge it is and I'm not saying it'll be easy to manage on your own but your dignity is your kids dignity if you know what I mean. If you stay with him he may soon decide he needs a vacation from the kids as well. Wouldn't that be even worse for them? What kind of immature person is he to decide while his wife is pregnant that he needs a vacation to see if he wants to stay with her. For goodness sake man, grow up. Sadly, he probably won't so you need to be the adult and get yourself and your children out of an unhealthy, undignified situation. Fight him and make him pay.
3 years ago
Well he told me last night that he only stayed as long as he had for the kids. He says we don't have to be together to have a baby together. He said he was tired of all the turmoil in our lives. Not long after we got married his family started causing problems. His mom hates me and wasn't ready to let go of her little boy. He was 24 when we got married. We lived in the basement of his parents house after we got married and when I wouldn't let her tell me how to live my life and run my house things got really bad. So bad that they were always running to our pastor about our problems and he got set down from preaching and playing his bass for the church. So we left the church because we were being treated really badly and didn't feel he had a right to be in the middle. Now he says he's doubting that God put us together. That hurt me so bad. We went through this once before we got married. He wanted for us to not spend so much time together. Well that turned into him not wanting to talk to me at all. Then into him cheating on me. He doesn't consider it cheating but he never broke up with me. He had told me he wasn't sure we were supposed to be together and he was going to seek God's guidance. Well now once again all we can do is pray. Does this mean he will cheat again? Will he come back this time? How do I explain to my kids if they ask? All I want is him and I want us to be a happy family. I only have 2 months until I'm due to have his baby. I feel like I'm not going to survive this! It has to be over soon right? He has to come to his senses and realize that this is what he wants? How do I hold on until I get an answer? I sit at my mom's crying my eyes out and he's off doing whatever he wants. How do I keep from being angry? What if he does come back, will I ever be able to trust him?
3 years ago
You know, you have all the answers infront of you and yet you keep turning on the other side. You are being blinded of your dependency on him and making your children as an excuse to get back together with him. Everybody here so far had given you sound advice and yet you insist you want to keep your family together. I don't want to be harsh but you need a reality check. If your relationship with him has been in turmoil (as you said so yourself) from the very start why stay with him? You are not doing your kids a favor by insisting on being with your good for nothing husband. You are hurting them with what you are doing. Do you think your kids doesn't know what's really happening with you specially as you say they see you crying all the time??? Being pregnant is not an excuse to be weak and just accept everything he dishes out to you. You have parents who are willing to take you in. So why bother going back to your husband. Isn't it enough that he kicked you and your kids out of the house??? He even kicked out his unborn child, so to me that is ruthless and reason enough for you to leave him and file for divorce. Go for broke, sue him and get child support.

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