My husband and I moved to Israel recently because I wanted to be close to my parents. After a couple of months of non-stop fighting and problems, we decided to split up and he went back to the states (we haven't divorced but separated and now living on opposite sides of the world). My daughter and I moved into my parents apartment where we share a bedroom and a bed. My daughter will be turning three at the end of this month (Sept. 27). Her father has been gone for just over a month now and he doesn't show any interest in talking to her. So far, I have been the one calling him so they can talk and showing her pictures and talking about daddy so that she doesn't forget about him. But my mom says that I should just not mention him at all unless my daughter asks about him (which she almost never does). She also says that I shouldn't call him anymore or send him pictures or videos of her or update him on her at all unless he asks (which he never does). He still speaks to me every day online and he is the one who always initiates contact with me but he never asks about our daughter so it makes me wonder why he talks to me at all while also wondering why he doesn't seem to care about our daughter. I should also mention that he has a 5yr old son from a prior relationship whose mother is a party-er/drug-user (she's quite young and very self-serving) and the poor boy is currently being tossed between his mother's grandmother and his paternal grandmother (two single, elderly women) because there is nobody to take care of him. I wanted to adopt him but now that his father and I are separated, the chances of that happening are slim. I feel so much for him but there is really nothing I can do for him. I have to first take care of my own daughter.<br><br>
When we split up, we agreed that we would stay friends for the sake of our daughter. But just like he never made any effort to stay in touch with his son before (I was always the one calling my mother-in-law and sending gifts and keeping lines of communication open between them when we were together), I have high doubts that he will be able to maintain a relationship with her if left to his own devices (though he has no trouble maintaining an online relationship with me, for some reason). I really thought that the four of us would eventually be a big, happy family but now that dream is torn to pieces. I'm left with a lot of confusion but again, my daughter is priority one.<br><br> So what should I do? Should I just cut them off from each other by never mentioning one to the other unless one of them mentions the other first? Should I remove the responsibility from myself and wait to see if he shows any interest? I don't want my daughter to feel bad that daddy doesn't care about her and I also don't want her to blame me for her not having a relationship with her father. But at the same time, I don't feel it should be my job to keep the relationship going without any help from him. If he wants a relationship with his daughter, he needs to do the work. And if not, then she should learn what type of man her father is and that it has nothing to do with her. She has three people that love her endlessly and tirelessly, myself and my parents. We treat her like the absolute goddess that we believe she is. So I don't think she should ever feel that she is unworthy of love or that she is to blame for her father not being in her life. She doesn't seem to miss him or notice his absence so much (maybe because he was never really very involved in her life when he was around) but she's so young that I think maybe she doesn't really understand yet. Anyway, I want to do what is right for her regardless of how I feel about him. I'm just not sure what the best thing for me to do is. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you in advance. Sorry for the long-winded question. It's a very complicated situation.