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When does the pain and hear break stop

9 answers
3 years ago
So I had to have a hysterectomy at 27 years old, after only one child. I have always wanted 2, pictured my life being complete with that image. But after my son was born with the high hopes I would be able to carry again, then the let down that would never be. So now I am 6 weeks post op, and feel like I made the wrong decision and am having a hard time getting in to the mind set that I can't carry a child again. My brothers girl friend is pregnant, and while the whole family is getting excited and carrying on, I am choking back tears. I gave her all my maternity clothes and old baby things that I don't need anymore with tears in my eyes. Will this ever get any better for me?

answers (9)

3 years ago
OH wow I feel for you I really do... I always wanted kids and now at 21 have a 2yr old and 6 month old I Will say this you have a wonderful gift that was givein to from God that gift is you one and only child. I know the thought you may have about the whole thing is WHY... But to be honest with you there is no answer the only thng I can say is give your one child all the love that you can make them the most important thing on earth to you.  I work at a place where two women just left to have ther babies and a few more walk around with big bellys getting ready for that day. I with two kids want one more but My husband does not. Your story makes me cry because I loved the felling of having a baby inside me and that is what I miss the most. But it will get better just try to turn all that negitive thought into positve about what your only child brings to you. His smile His laugh just enjoy as much time with him as you can.....Life will get better
3 years ago
I don;t think the pain ever really stops , I always knew I was meant to be a Mommy but we have had no luck getting pregnant so although I have accepted that I will never carry a baby we have decided to adopt to expand our family and if you truly want another child I encourage you to think about doing the same
3 years ago
Thank you both for your kind words.  I went through the infertillity part as well for years, then it happened one weekend and I couldn't be happier!  I am struggling with the accptance part on it.  I know the surgery was voluntary for my own well being, but it was either that or be in severe pain for the rest of my life, with no way to treat it.  Can't be a very good Mommy with that going on.  I am hopeful once I get back to work and in a normal routine I will start to feel better about it all.  I know time heals all wounds but I fear this one may never heal.
3 years ago
I suggest you find a support group in your area for people with infertility problems to share experiences and advice with. I think you'll start to feel a lot better when you get to know some other people who have been in, or are in, similar situations.
3 years ago
A support group might really help you. I had two miscarriages before having my daughter and I joined a support group that really helped me. Being with other who know how you feel and who will not judge you for sharing your feelings is great. It won't take all the hurt away but it will help.
3 years ago
My mom had a hyseterectomy at 22 years old due to health issues and while she can no longer have kids she is very open to adoption should she feel the need to have more kids. I've watched my mom get upset,sad and angry because she could not have more kids, I really do feel for you as I know this is going to be tough  but if your open to adoption or surrogacy you can one day have your picture perfect family one day. I've known ladies who are surrogate and even move into the home with the parents to be so that the mother can kinda experience and watch the growth of pregnancy, there are always options. Stay positive.Oh and you might get random anger fits like my mom, lol. She would sometimes get really mad at the news or tv when she read or heard about someone doing something bad to a child because they didn't want it. She will yell out loud, "IF YOU DIDN'T WANT THAT BABY, GIVE HIM TO ME". :) It may seem crazy but that always made me happy to see that my mom didn't care if she couldn't birth another child, she would still take another if someone offered the chance.
3 years ago
spiphibus_ thank you for the advice.  I have always felt that if people didn't want their kids then I would gladly take then off their hands.  I am open to adoption, but having a surrogate isn't an option since I had a total hystorectomy and no longer have ovaries.  But that would be nice.  Thanks again everyone for the kind words, maybe I will look into a support group like you guys have said.  I know this will be a hard time, if it ever passes.  I know I should be thankful for what I had, but part of me is never happy with what I have and always wants more.
3 years ago
Please remember that you are going through a stage of grief.  It is normal to be angry or sad or jealous of another female being pregnant.  It takes time to accept the situation and it has been such a short time that you had your op so hormones will be affecting you too.  Give yourself time to heal and be kind to yourself.  You need to grieve for the family that you wanted being taken from you, for the loss of another special baby to love, for the loss of a sibling for your child and the relationship you expected them to have.  It will take time and you may find that you never fully accept your loss but find a way to cope with it so that it doesn't affect your daily life.  I am sure that your family may not realise that your boyfriend's girlfriends pregnancy is affecting you.  If you are able to talk to her can you explain how you are feeling?  I only suggest this in case you become depressed after what you have been through and it damages your relationship with her and other family members?  If you can be honest with others about your feelings it may help smooth the way for you, although they may not understand and think you are overreacting.  You are not, you have every right to feel down about the hard decision that you have made.  I was very ill after my first son and needed several surgeries to repair the damage to my body and I grieved for years (and was depressed) and found it impossible to be around others who were pregnant.  I had little support but I have survived and although I now have other children I still feel the pain for the first special years of my son's life being ruined by my illness.  But the pain has lessened over the years and your will too.
3 years ago
Thank you philbert  That is a great way of looking at it that I haven't yet.... I am "greifing" for my loss so to speak.  Thank you very much.  I would love to be able to talk to my brother's girlfriend and tell her how this all makes me feel, but not to "air dirty laundry in public" she's not really "old" to the family and doesn't know my struggles.  I have talked to my sister and husband about it and being that they are the closest people to me they have really helped out with dealing with it.  I am sorry to hear about your struggles as well.  I wish I could say this was the only time I have had to deal with this "loss".  When I was first diagnosed with stage 4 endometrosis I was given a year to conceive... after 2 years and 4 surgeries to "fix" the issue, I finally got pregnant, we had hoped that would help and I would be better.  6 months later I was under the knife again for the 5th time, and it was as if I had never had any of the other surgeries or the pregnancy, that's when  my doc upgraded me to a stage 5, then we schedualed the hyst.  I am sure when I get hormone levels back to my normal I will start to feel better.Thanks again.

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