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When do they begin to accept their new reality?

Relationships

When do they begin to accept their new reality?

My child's father is a roller coaster of emotions right now. Fortunately I've learned to block it out because I simply don't have time for his nonsense. At 5 months, my bd has proclaimed he wants nothing to do with me or the baby. I informed him that I don't need him; however, our baby didn't ask to be born into this situation and this child is his responsibility as much as it is mine. I also encouraged him to educate himself on our state's child support system because if he doesn't step up at that minimal to be financially supportive, the lovely court systems would aid him doing so. Whenever I speak to other men, like my father, I always hear he is going to come around and be supportive blah blah blah. My concern is when?
asked by msmaemae7 2 years 34 weeks ago
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answers (4)
by Ready2Bmom submitted 2 years 34 weeks

Sweetheart my heart goes out to you. I am lucky to have bd that wants to be involved but he has had a party life since before we got pregnant so I was wondering the same thing. Has he been to any dr appts with you? Cause the first time me and my bd went to the dr and saw the baby it just clicked for him a little bit. We aren't living together so I'm pretty sure he still does the whole partying thing. My best advice is don't worry about what hes doing. You worry about you and that wonderful baby and like you've told him, get educated on child support. You don't need to hold his hand and wait for him to grow up. You have enough going on inside you to worry about. If he doesn't come around his loss. Get him with the courts. I hope this helps. Keep supportive loving people around you too. Keep your chin up love!!! 

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by MOMMYOFZOO submitted 2 years 34 weeks

I'm sorry to hear that you are going through this. My last husband was like this. We got married when our first was 2 and it went down hill from there. He wasn't really a hands on dad (only when it was conveinent, like showing off in front of female co-workers) and I left him when he started being violent and told me he didn't want our 3rd baby. I took him to court and that didn't help much. He's thousands of dollars behind in child support and has nothing to do with the children. With that being said I hope that's not what you end up going through. However, with most men it takes holding their baby for it to really click in their brains that they're a dad. It's just not the same for them as it is for us unfortunately. Good luck to you and try and stay positive and not let him see what he's doing to you. He might realize what he'll be missing sooner. :)

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by maddison09 submitted 2 years 34 weeks

I would say that maybe it will take until he sees your newborn for it to click for him.. you never know I have never been in your shoes my bd was supportive thankfully.. has he went to the appointments with you? my bd goes to them and is almost as excited to hear the heartbeat and see the baby as I am.. maybe him seeing and or hearing it would help make it more real for him.. I truly hope that he comes around but just focus on you and your baby.. I am hopeful that you have supporting family and friends there to help you. If he doesnt come around then remember there is child support to help you financially and think of it this way... would you rather he not be around psycially for you and the baby or feel forced to be there and not be the kind of dad that you would want your baby to have.. if hes not their hopefully there is another positive male that is in your life that will be there.. like your dad for example you never know =) good luck hun

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by msmaemae7 submitted 2 years 34 weeks

Thank you, ladies. I had an ultrasound early on in my pregnancy that my brother and child's father attended. At that time, I had not even seen my baby so I invited my child's father so we could both share that experience. He sat there is silence and according to my brother, asked the techinician about herself when I stepped out to use the bathroom.

It really is a blessing for me to have such a strong support team and the means to do provide for my baby. I guess I'll just leave it in God's hands.

 

Thank you again!

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