"You better enjoy your sleep while you still can!" When you're expecting, you hear this bit of advice, always delivered with an evil little laugh, from moms and dads who have already lived through  -- and apparently been scarred by  -- the sleep deprivation that comes with baby's first year. I wish I could enjoy my nights! But at 27 weeks pregnant with twin boys, I dread them. Though I'm exhausted, have an aching back and a heavy belly, and want nothing more than to get some rest, I know that sleep is no longer what my nighttimes are about, even before my babies have entered the world. I now think of the hours between about 10:30 p.m. and 7 a.m. as a gauntlet of various pains and discomforts to be endured until I make it through to the sunrise salvation of morning. Here's a little look at last night:

10 p.m.
My wife, Emily (I'm married to a woman), says good night and turns off her nightstand light. I decide to keep reading my new book on twins just to postpone the frustration of trying in vain to fall asleep.

11:30 p.m.
Put on a Breathe Right strip (my nose has been constantly congested for weeks now) and turn off light.

11:45 p.m.
Wonder if Breathe Right strips are causing my nose to permanently change shape. After all, I've been using them every night for six months. Emily says I'm addicted.

Midnight
Gather all pillows from the floor and create an elaborate incline system for my head and neck, since lying flat is making me feel like the blood to my head is being cut off. Or that all the blood is rushing there...I can't tell the difference.

12:15 a.m.
Angrily toss all pillows off bed; incline system not comfortable. Get up to pee. Then create a mental checklist of all the things I need to buy before the babies come: a hands-free telephone headset (I've heard this is a must when you have twins), slippers for the hospital bag, a new coffee table (the one we have now is a metal-and-glass infant death trap), a rocker, thank-you cards, diapers!