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71 New-Mom Truths

1.You will hear all sorts of delivery and nursing nightmare stories once you start sharing your own.

2. You will want to burn your maternity clothes -- even if you plan on having more kids.

3. You will lose tiny socks in the wash.

4. You will be able to shower, wash and dry your hair, and get dressed in less than ten minutes.

5. You will want to apologize to friends and family who had kids before you for never really getting why they had less time for you.

6. You will fantasize about what you would swap for a good eight hours of sleep.

7. You will be so proud of every ounce your baby gains.

8. You will wonder whether it's possible to get all the crud out of your baby's skin folds.

9. You will laugh at your OB when she asks what you plan on using for birth control at your six-week postpartum checkup.

10. You won't stop worrying that you'll make your tot bleed when you clip his fingernails.

11. You will wish you had the time and brain cells to read just one of the novels you blew through when pregnancy heartburn kept you up all night.

12. You will want to throw the baby monitor out the window.

13. You won't have the desire or the time to iron the crib skirt after you first wash it. And the wrinkles will drive you crazy. But not crazy enough to dismantle the crib and iron it.

14. You will wonder how other new moms manage to be so skinny, put-together, or energetic.

15. You will think you seem pretty together compared with other new moms you see.

16. You will dread encountering baby-crazed preschoolers with runny noses and coughs.

17. You will never again touch an infant that isn't yours on the hands or face.

18. You will forget all about your difficult day with your baby when you finally see her sleeping peacefully at night.

19. You will have some mornings when you bounce out of bed to get the baby... and others when you need a truck to pull you from under the covers.

20. You will thank God for caffeine.

21. You will get used to how your husband comes home from work, checks on the baby, and "accidentally" wakes him up.

22. You will pretend you don't smell your child's dirty diaper as you hand her to Dad.

Christina Boyle is a Babytalk contributing editor and freelance writer in Connecticut.

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