Enforce rules

Provide structure. It might seem that if you want to raise a compassionate, caring child, you just have to be a compassionate, caring parent. But that's not enough. Even the most nurturing, loving parenting requires firm limits on behavior, or you'll get very self-centered children, says Janice Cohn, Ph.D., author of Raising Compassionate, Courageous Children in a Violent World. Make unacceptable behavior, like hitting, always unacceptable  -- even if it's her birthday. If something is wrong it has to be wrong all the time.

Expect her to help. When their neighbors are away, Karen Semple's four kids in Montana City, Montana, take care of the left-behind cats, dogs, and horses. Everyone's included in helping, and when the youngest was 2, she scooped cat food out of a bag. Rain, snow, and cold weather don't stop them. For Semple, it's all about teaching the Golden Rule. "You need to love your neighbor as yourself, even if you don't particularly feel like it," she says.

Use manners to connect. With the exciting (and noisy!) arrival of the garbage truck, talk about how we're all connected: The farmer grows the food, we throw out the peels or waste, and the trash collector picks it up. If your child's out watching the trash collector, she can say "thank you." Good manners, which keep us coexisting harmoniously, are one way to show compassion. As much as you can with a squirmy toddler, make good manners part of her daily routine.

"Habits like this can help form character," says the Reverend Dr. Julia Gatta, an Episcopal priest and associate professor of pastoral theology at the University of the South in Sewanee, Tennessee. "There's another person at the other end of the relationship who has feelings and deserves respect."

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