Get-to-sleep strategies

The best sleep arrangement for your baby depends on many factors. Here's how to find the right baby sleep routine for your family:

 

The independent-baby approach

How it works:

Establish a bedtime routine  -- including a bath or massage, for example  -- that lets your baby know bedtime is near. After soothing him, put him down while he's drowsy but still awake, to help him learn to fall asleep on his own. By 6 weeks of age, a longer sleep period (about four hours) will emerge at night.

Best if...

Both you and your baby are take-charge types who prefer order and predictability  -- for instance, if he immediately knew how to latch on and smiled at exactly 6 weeks. With these "easy" babies, bedtime may be effortless compared to what other moms go through.

 

The he'll-get-it-when-he's-ready approach

How it works:

This is the polar opposite of the independent-baby approach. If your baby prefers rocking, you rock. If he prefers sucking, you nurse or rely on a stash of pacifiers. Not many sleep experts will endorse this laissez-faire approach to bedtime. Yet many parents follow it.

Best if...

You're a very patient person. You see no need to nudge your baby into a routine before he's ready.

 

The all-together-now approach

How it works:

A co-sleeper or bassinet next to your bed is safest, but many parents sleep with their baby right in their own bed. Co-sleeping can work as long as you remember that the baby's bedtime is before yours (so don't keep him up until you turn in) and that you'll have less room and will have to be careful not to roll over on him. Also, to keep him safe from SIDS, you'll need to put him down on his back; keep him away from comforters and pillows; make sure he doesn't get wedged against the wall; avoid water beds; maintain a smoke-free environment; and never use alcohol, drugs, or any medication that might make you unaware of your baby's presence and more likely to roll over on him.

Best if...

Parenting for you is like one great big bear hug, with lots of holding, rocking, and breastfeeding. Most babies would love this close connection, except perhaps a very active child, who might feel penned in.

 

The long-goodbye approach

How it works:

You're going to very slowly decondition your baby from using you as a sleep crutch. Begin by putting him to bed in his crib, while you sit on a chair next to him. If he fusses, pat his back or head to soothe him, but don't pick him up. Leave the room after he's asleep; repeat if he wakes during the night. Do this for the next three days during naps and bedtime. Then move your chair about halfway across the room and soothe him verbally only. Every three days, move farther away until you're in the hall. Typically by day 14, he's fine on his own.

Best if...

You can't bear the thought of hearing your baby cry for hours on end, but you want him to learn how to fall asleep on his own  -- soon. You may also have found that your baby's temperament isn't the easiest: He may be shy and clingy, sensitive and easily overstimulated, or high-energy and intense.

The get-with-the-program approach

How it works:

This strategy  -- known as "Ferberizing" because it was popularized by Richard Ferber, M.D., in his book Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems  -- is best used after 4 months (you should always respond quickly to newborns) and before 8 months so your baby hasn't fallen into hard-to-break habits. Begin by putting him down when he's drowsy but still awake. If he cries, console him by talking softly and rubbing his back. Leave the room for a brief period  -- about five minutes at first  -- then return to console him if he's still upset. Don't take him out of the crib, though. Repeat this pattern until your baby falls asleep, and again if he wakes during the night. Each consecutive night, lengthen the time you let him fuss by a few more minutes, until it's no longer necessary  -- which, depending on your baby's temperament, may be a few days or a few weeks.

Best if...

You don't mind hearing your baby cry because you know it'll get him into a good sleep routine in the long run. Plus, your baby's not the type to get more and more worked up the longer he cries.

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