There's nothing better than holding your infant -- until you put her down and realize you've just activated her scream button. Though it's tempting to give in to your baby's whimpers and hold her, it's important for her development that she practices self-soothing as she gets older, says Jennifer Waldburger, a Los Angles–based child and family psychotherapist. Here's a guide to when and how to let go:

0 TO 4 MONTHS
Going from the womb to the world is a tough adjustment, and some babies can be soothed only when they're held. To deal:
Indulge her. You can't spoil a newborn with too much holding.
Create routines -- a relatively predictable schedule can minimize fussiness.

4 TO 8 MONTHS
Babies develop stranger awareness, which is why she's reluctant to go to anyone other than you. To deal:
Practice separating. Start by leaving the room for five minutes while someone else holds her, or talk to her while she's in her bouncy seat nearby.
If she's anxious, keep her close until she warms up.

8 TO 12 MONTHS
Cruising farther away from you causes spikes in separation anxiety and a need for reassurance that you're still there. To deal:
Disappear -- temporarily -- by playing games like peekaboo; she'll begin to see that when you go away, you always come back.
Let her know you're going. Get down on her level and say something like "Mommy's going to make dinner. I'll be right across the room."
Don't sneak out. It feeds into your baby's fear that you'll disappear.

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