Hush, little baby, don't say a word,
Mama's gonna buy you a talking bird.
And when its microchip breaks down,
Mama's gonna buy you a dancing clown.
And when it gets recalled next week,
Mama's gonna buy you some mice that squeak.
And when they all get vacuumed up,
Mama's gonna buy you a singing pup.
And when it wastes 12 batteries,
Mama's gonna buy you some plastic keys.
And when they snap in just one day,
Mama's gonna put her purse away.

Rock-a-bye baby, in your new bed,
Flat on your back, no toys near your head.
Sensors surround you, ready to beep,
While Mommy and Daddy sigh and count sheep.

Twinkle, twinkle, cutie-poo,
Preschool apps will soon be due.
Though you're only 9 months old,
It's tot-eat-tot, so I've been told.
Time to bribe a board or two  --
Preschool apps will soon be due.

Lullaby, and good night,
But first answer this right:
What's the square root of four
And the French word for "door"?
Very good  -- you've worked hard!
Have a new "genius" card!
Lay you down now and rest
So you'll pass your next test.

Trans fats are bad, dilly dilly,
Sugar is, too.
I can't buy food willy-nilly,
Now I have you.
What's in this canned chili chili?
What's in this stew?
My eyes are crossed silly silly,
Shopping for you.

Melissa Balmain is a freelance writer and mother of two in Blacksburg, Virginia.