Most weapon obsessions are harmless

Does that sort of fascination mean a kid will grow up to be a bully, or worse? Not necessarily, says Malcolm Watson, Ph.D., professor of psychology at Brandeis University, in Waltham, Massachusetts. "All normal kids play aggressively once in a while. It doesn't predict that they're going to be ax murderers; it can even help them learn to socialize and solve problems," he says.

One need only be the mom of a 2-year-old to get a true taste of what it's like to parent a child with an energetic, in-your-face temperament. Kids between 24 and 32 months are some of the most aggressive creatures on the planet  -- routinely hitting, kicking, biting, pulling, pushing, and throwing things. They're not being mean  -- they're just frustrated with not having control, power, or the ability to say what they want. By age 3, most kids acquire the coping and language skills they need so they don't have to blow up as often. From time to time, preschoolers on up may kick up a garden-variety tantrum  -- one that involves crying, yelling, and foot stomping  -- and that's okay. It's even okay if your child lashes out in other ways, as long as it happens only once or twice, because kids often don't learn the right ways of behaving until they try the wrong way first.

This should come as good news to Leslie Pepper of Merrick, New York, who was worried that her son, also named Jack, might have a violent streak. When the 4-year-old put on his Power Rangers Halloween costume  -- replete with a snazzy sword for fighting the bad guys  -- he started "going around 'killing' everybody, pretending to stab them," Pepper says. "It definitely got me concerned, even though he's not usually aggressive."

Here's the calming fact: Play-fighting is not only normal, it's a great way to learn limits. "As soon as you cross the line during a pretend fight and the other child starts crying, you've learned that this is where you need to stop," says Richard Tremblay, Ph.D., director of the Centre of Excellence for Early Childhood Development at the University of Montreal, who's spent 20 years studying children and aggression. "If you never play-fight, you never know where that limit is."

Besides, if you watch your child when he's raising that play-dough gun, you'll see that it's not about shooting as much as it is about running, shouting, pretending, mimicking heroes (like police officers and Superman), and having fun  -- a healthy way for him to explore and express his feelings (and get in some exercise!).

Still, it's important that you balance out comic book-style messages: When your child makes his Batman action figure knock Mr. Freeze to the ground, ask why Mr. Freeze has to be killed and suggest that Batman take his nemesis to jail instead. Raising alternatives will help him see there are other options he can use in real life.

Teaching empathy can also go a long way in helping a child turn negative social behaviors  -- like bossiness and bullying  -- into more acceptable ones like including other kids at playtime and being concerned for their feelings. That's how Claire Patrick, 10, became a hero to a tall and painfully shy classmate she'd begun relentlessly picking on at her school in Arlington, Virginia. When Claire's bullying provoked the threat of physical violence, teachers, counselors, and Claire's parents intervened; that's when Claire found out that the girl she'd been teasing had lost her parents and was being raised by her sister. The adults also helped Claire realize that the reason she was picking on the girl was because she was new in the school and seeking attention. "After that, Claire invited the girl to eat lunch with her and her friends," says her mom, Bethanne.

---