WHINING

Whining is something almost all young children do, especially before they're old enough to talk well, because it's one of the only ways they can express frustration and anger when they don't get what they want. No matter how irritating it may be, parents need to understand that little whiners aren't just trying to get a reaction (though that's a big part of it, and one reason even grade-schoolers whine when they don't get their way). Whining, like thumb sucking, is also a self-soothing activity: Little kids feel better when they make those sounds because it allows them to release their feelings.

HOW TO HANDLE

When a toddler starts to whine, ask him to repeat what he's saying in a variety of ways  -- first in a whisper, then slowly, then very fast, and so on; this game may distract him from whatever he was whining about in the first place.

With a preschooler, you can set some ground rules. As soon as your child begins to whine, interrupt immediately and say calmly, "You're whining. I don't like to hear it, so please talk to me in a regular voice." If he continues, repeat your request. If he changes his tone, compliment him by saying something such as "I liked the way you told me what you want without whining." (Similarly, take the emotion out of your own voice. No matter how tempted you may be to snap, "Stop it, you're driving me crazy," keep in mind that reining in your own reactions will help you better communicate what you want to your child.) Then let him know you understand why he's upset and negotiate a compromise. For example, if he's unhappy because you've told him he can't eat a cookie until after lunch, put it somewhere nearby where he can keep an eye on it, and promise him that he can have it after he finishes his meal.

PREVENTIVE MEASURES

By listening to your child and praising him when he uses a strong and clear voice, you'll teach him that explaining what he wants without whining will get him much further.

---