TANTRUMS

Tantrums can be unnerving for parents, not only because they often involve public scenes but also because they represent a loss of control over the child and the situation. Fortunately, tantrums become less frequent as children reach grade-school age and learn better ways to deal with frustration.

HOW TO HANDLE

The trick to curtailing tantrums is to nip them in the bud. Reacting with alarm or anger, or giving in to a child who's throwing a fit, will teach her that a tantrum is an effective means of getting what she wants. Instead, say, "When you stop crying we'll talk about it and see what can be done," and walk into the next room. (If your child is too young to be left alone, stay with her. It's okay to hold her if she comes to you, but don't respond to what she wants until she calms down.) Do something, such as leafing through a magazine or opening the mail, to let her know she won't get your attention until she's calm. In most cases, tantrums stop much more quickly in the absence of an interested audience.

If you're in a public place, ignore any glares you get and take your child to a private corner to wait for her to calm down. Say, "I'll sit down with you until you stop screaming." If she doesn't stop crying or screaming after three or four minutes, take your child and leave.

PREVENTIVE MEASURES

Tantrums aren't always predictable. Kids throw them for all sorts of reasons  -- they didn't get something they wanted, they're having trouble mastering a task, they're just tired. Even so, you can head off some outbursts by avoiding circumstances that might lead to one. If you see your preschooler trying to work out a puzzle that she saw her 10-year-old sister whiz through, for instance, help her with it or steer her attention to a game that's more appropriate for her age.

And don't expect more from your child than she can handle. For example, very young children can't amuse themselves for extended periods of time and are likely to get cranky, so avoid taking a toddler or preschooler to the supermarket or bank during busy times, when you'll have to stand in long lines. If you must take her somewhere where you know she'll have to wait, bring along some favorite toys or snacks as diversions.

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