Share

SIBLING FIGHTS

A father told me recently about a typical tussle between his two young sons. Shortly after he had settled his 4- and 6-year-old boys into the car and pulled away from the curb, he heard a bloodcurdling shriek from the backseat. When he asked what was wrong, one of the boys shouted, "Tell him to stop. He's breathing my air!"

Sibling rivalry is a natural response to having a constant competitor for parental time and affection. But when it goes unchecked, it can get in the way of a loving sibling relationship and spoil the fun that brothers and sisters would otherwise have together.

HOW TO HANDLE

The best way to get sparring siblings to call a truce is to first separate them for as long as it takes them to cool down. But don't try to decide who's right and who's wrong unless you've actually witnessed one of the children hit a brother or sister or deliberately provoke a fight (in which case you should take appropriate disciplinary action for that behavior). Otherwise, you risk playing favorites or being drawn into the squabble.

PREVENTIVE MEASURES

In all likelihood, you won't be able to completely eliminate sibling rivalry, but you can work at limiting its intensity. Emphasize to your children the importance of looking out for one another's interests. Teach them to respect each other's personal property and to not borrow something from a brother or sister without permission. Never compare siblings with one another, and establish rules for situations that commonly provoke disagreements: Work out in advance who will sit where in the car, whose favorite TV program they'll watch and when, and so on.