The Good News: His Friends are Hysterical

Sure, a group of tweens can get loud and squirrelly, but you're privy to some of the most off-the-wall conversations ever. From listening to my son and his fifth-grade buddies, I have a fairly good understanding of the 11-year-old male mind. (Obsessive collecting -- video games, Bakugan, songs from iTunes -- is the norm, and no one else's parents have as many rules as your own.) Carpooling with tweens is a world unto itself: When Singer hauls 11-year-old Christopher and his buddies to soccer practice, she usually cranks up the radio and listens to the kids belt it out. "Last time, we all ended up singing Coldplay together at the top of our lungs," she says.

Make It Even Better: "Offer your house as a gathering spot for your tween and his friends, or be the mom who drives everyone to the mall," Woolf advises. "Taking advantage of their need for a ride is the best way to get to know their friends." Woolf has even brought her girls' pals on vacation. "You get a very real sense of who they're friends with and what they're up to."

The Good News: She Wants to Help

When tweens take on a project­ -- whether it's cleaning up a local park or volunteering at a food bank -- it's all or nothing. Maureen Pearson was surprised but thrilled when her 11-year-old daughter, Laura, asked to volunteer at the retirement community where Maureen works. "She really clicked with the residents," says the Harrisonburg, VA, mom. "On her first day, she bounced into my office and exclaimed, 'I met a woman who was a hundred years old!'" Lately Laura has also begun babysitting in her church nursery. "She's all about being helpful," says Pearson.

Make it Even Better: Let Them know how proud you are of their kindness and generosity, and do everything in your power to help them act on it. I recently took my kids through an exhibit on the AIDS epidemic in Africa. We all were blown away by the stories of suffering kids and the photos of children who are available to sponsor. "We have to take on one of these kids," said Mathilda, grabbing my arm. "It's only thirty-five dollars a month." My initial, knee-jerk reaction ("Do we have an extra thirty-five bucks in the monthly budget?") paled next to her enthusiasm. How could I say no?

Don't forget the power of your example, adds Fox: "If your objective is to raise a good citizen, you have to show what that means," she says. "Make it your business to be involved, and your kid will get involved." Look for family opportunities for volunteerism; the more time you spend with your tween, the happier everyone will be. And that's not terrible at all.

Charlotte Latvala, who writes frequently for Parenting, says her 11-year-old is a tween dream.