"It actually brought tears to my eyes," wrote one mom, who called herself Mamaford, after reading Parenting's February article "Mad at Dad." "I know I'm not alone, but to see some of my exact feelings on the page allowed me to let go of some of the anger."

Another mother, who called herself BNA's mom, wrote, "I'm so grateful for the 'Mad at Dad' article. I felt like the worst person in the world. My husband is one who can sit and watch TV but can't hear his son asking him to play with him while standing at his dad's feet... Thanks for letting me know I'm not the only one."

We struck a nerve with our "Mad at Dad" story, which talked about the surprising and regular anger many women feel toward their husbands for not sharing the family-life load. Based on a nationally representative survey of 1,000 moms, the story lit up the blogosphere and also got picked up by The New York Times, Salon, The Huffington Post, and the Associated Press, among many other places. And hundreds of parents -- moms and dads alike -- vented and shared their opinions and frustrations on Parenting.com. (A note to those involved pops out there, like Sportswriter Dad, who chimed in that "I can braid hair and wipe butts with the best of them... I can do the chores and stay in tune to my kids' wants": We're not mad at you.)

It's a tough world out there for moms. We're surrounded by Judgy McJudgersons who jump down our throats if our kids have a meltdown in the cereal aisle, and if the thank-you notes don't get written, we're the ones who are viewed as disorganized -- not our husbands. Many of us are trying to keep it all together while holding down outside jobs, as well.

Is it really any wonder, then, that we sometimes feel crushed by the expectations, both our own and others'? When we don't get equal partners in the domestic trenches, the anger that results can sink our once-thriving relationships. It's one of the most common problems that Bonnie Eaker Weil, Ph.D., a New York family therapist and author of Make Up, Don't Break Up, sees in her practice.

"I'm finding a lot more women burned out," she says. "Two thirds of all women work outside the home and usually spend an additional thirty hours per week on childcare and housekeeping…and that's lowballing it. That's why they're so angry."

It can be a real danger to a marriage. You've seen the wear and tear kids put on a couch. They can do the same thing to your relationship. In fact, as many as 70 percent of partnerships start to nose-dive when kids enter the picture, Weil says. So how do we make things better? While you can't make a guy wake up and notice that the bathroom lightbulb's been burned out for three weeks, there is hope. We've got a five-step program that can help defuse a variety of flash points and make your marriage a happier partnership.

Step One: Raise Your Expectations

Even if you didn't negotiate an ironclad prenuptial agreement that he, too, shall scrub the gooey remains of dinner out of the kitchen sink, you can rewrite the rules of your marriage. Experts say it comes down, in part, to expectations.

First, recognize that equality is an attainable goal, says Francine M. Deutsch, a professor of psychology at Mount Holyoke College and author of Halving It All: How Equally Shared Parenting Works. "As much as you see written about how the norm is that women do more," she says, "there is a significant number of couples who truly share the work of the home."

Women need to expect (and demand) an equal partnership. There's a message that fathers who pitch in are somehow special. Isn't she such a lucky woman to have a guy like that? we say.

While it's important to respect the pressure that men are under to provide for their families (even though most moms also work outside the home and many are the main breadwinners, too), we need to view a fifty-fifty partnership as a choice a couple makes together.

Regardless of whether you both hold jobs outside the home or one partner stays at home, you need to "establish the principle that the work at home is just as valuable, just as hard, and just as worthy of time off as the work outside the home," Deutsch says.

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