Relationships

Mad at Dad

We love our husbands -- so why are we so angry at them, so often?

By Martha Brockenbrough, Parenting
 
 
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My husband's suddenly driving me crazy! Habits I used to find endearing -- like his gum chewing -- now irritate me. Could I have fallen out of love with him? - Parenting.com
Kitty O'Callaghan answer's a reader's concern, "I wish I got as much love and attention from my husband as he gives to our child." - Parenting.com
A response to the controversial Mad at Dad, and what to do about too-laid-back dads - Parenting.com
My husband and I just celebrated our tenth wedding anniversary. I'd say we have a great marriage. There's no one I trust more, no one else I'd rather talk to, and no one who makes me laugh harder.

But that doesn't mean I don't get furious at him from time to time.

Once, when I was dangling at the end of my rope, I insisted he go to the doctor for a hearing test. I was quite certain the man was deaf. How else, for instance, could he have taken my grandma's books to Goodwill instead of the antique-book dealer, as I'd asked when he was cleaning out the basement?

Just as I'd gotten used to the idea of the man I love with hearing aids, the news came in from the doctor. My husband's ears work fine. Better than mine, actually.

I know I'm not the only one who gets Mad at Dad. Whenever I see the phone number of a certain close friend on the caller ID, I know she needs my understanding ear because her husband has dropped a wad of cash on electronics while telling her she can't have someone in every other week to help clean, or because he let the kids eat junk food and play video games while she was running errands, and now they're glassy-eyed and glued to the ceiling. Meanwhile, his whiskers are in the sink and his boxers are on the floor, making her feel like she's married to nothing more than a hairy man-child.

These are the kinds of things we see parodied on TV sitcoms, where bumbling husbands get laughs for feeding the kids frosting sandwiches and sending them to school in scuba gear. These are the kinds of things we moan and groan about when we get together with our other mom friends, often playing our irritations for laughs. Honestly, though, it's not that funny. None of us signed up to live in a sitcom.

Life for women may be better in many ways than it's ever been, but we're far from whistling show tunes. According to Parenting's nationally representative survey of more than 1,000 mothers on MomConnection, an online panel of moms, the majority of us confess to feeling anger at surprising levels. We love our husbands -- but we're mad that we spend more mental energy on the details of parenting. We're mad that having children has turned our lives upside down much more than theirs. We're mad that these guys, who can manage businesses or keep track of thousands of pieces of sports trivia, can be clueless when it comes to what our kids are eating and what supplies they need for school. And more than anything else, we're mad that they get more time to themselves than we do.


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Comments

Displaying comments 1 - 5.
on Jan 26, 2010
i'm a older dad and tried very hard to do more around the house and share the load.when i tried to cook i got critised.when i took care of the kids when the wife was at jazzercise,i fed them healthy stuff.i changed more poopy diapers including the children my wife took on in her ciircle of friends.i wonder to this day if some of those kids who are now men know i wiped their butt!?i'm long divorced now and have accromony with my daughter and the EX.it makes me wonder,is anyone ever happy?i really tried hard to break the traditional way dads were captioned and i don't think i did a very good job.i did have time with my kids and its the sweet spot of my memories.
on Jan 27, 2010
We are a blended family with 5 children - incredibly busy. Hubby is currently one of the millions unemployed - I work part time. I have to appreciate all that my husband does, transports our teen & a friend to school at 6:30 each morning, I run the middle kids to school on my way to work, he takes the rest afterwards. He's available. Yet, I still get frustrated at the dependency on my multi tasking skills to keep it going. Because I too get tired and no one stands behind me to kick the train when it stops. I think it's an ongoing female/male issue and I'm trying to work around it.This is a great article, thank you!
on Jan 27, 2010
As a married, working father of two, these issues are very familiar to me. With an open, highly communicative relationship, these subjects have occupied many/ most of our heated discussions. While I have no answers to these problems, I would suggest that couples step back and look for answers that may lie outside these problems. In my relationship, the lack of sex and affection in our relationship made me resent the children ultimately allowing me to justify my "you wanted them" attitude. To make a long story short, we solved these underlying issues and things have improved and continue to improve daily. We dads want to be helpfull! It's just not a natural posistion for us...
on Jan 31, 2010
Another sexist article brainwashing readers as to how difficult women have it-and right next to the sexist survey "Who is better trained, your husband, child or pet?" I am very sick of the articles on MSN-always bemoaning the womanhood, while at the same time glorifying the morally bankrupt celebs and elites that keep women down. Why doesn't this article site that a full 69% of women think their husbands actually do their fair share? If you notice the % of women complaining is the MINORITY. There are plenty of dads that work tirelessly to not only provide material things, but also do our share, talk, guide, and nurture our kids. Ladies-you don't have it harder, you just have it different.
on Feb 02, 2010
So, 46% of women get angry with their husbands at least once a week, I wonder how many times the husband gets angry at the wife?It's funny how the Mom's in the article complain about things like Dad walking over a laundry basket to get to the remote, but I wonder how many times Mom drove past a Monroe without getting the oil changed? Or walked past the garbage can when it obviously needed to be be emptied? I wonder, is there a single man that has ever lived up to a Mom's expectations? I doubt it.
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