The Wonder Years

Birth to age 3

Your baby's day is full of discovery, and one of the easiest and most fun things to explore is  -- you guessed it  -- her own body.

She'll learn about the pleasure of touch through the lavish attention you bestow on her every perfect body part. At the same time, she'll experience spontaneous genital arousal—lubrication in the vagina (or, in a boy, a penile erection). Don't worry, you didn't cause it. At some point during infancy, she'll even discover that touching her genitals feels much better than, say, touching her toes or tummy.

Like all babies, Eileen's son, Seamus, was curious about his body  -- all of it. She knew this was natural and healthy, but when he played with his penis and scrotum during diaper changes, the Chelmsford, Massachusetts, mom admits, "I felt like a voyeur waiting for him to finish, and I'd also want to get on to something else. I mean, just how long do you let the party go on?" Rather than end it abruptly, she says, "I'd let him play for a minute or two while I was wiping, and then I'd make funny faces or start blowing kisses on his tummy, which would bring his hands up. Then I could put on the new diaper and we were done."

That's a smart way to deal with a baby. As she gets older, you'll need to talk to her about her body. Many of us are more comfortable using slang terms for penises, breasts, vulvas, and vaginas, but the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that parents avoid making up names for body parts. It gives children the idea that there's something bad about their proper names.

In the rush to teach their child the names for their eyes, ears, and elbows, some parents never seem to get around to teaching the names for genitals. One study found that girls under 3 knew the word "penis" better than "vagina" or "vulva." Most of the boys were taught "penis" but were even less likely than the girls to know what to call female genitals.

Even as you're open and honest about the proper names, toddlerhood's the time to set your guidelines for modesty. Some parents love watching their little ones scamper about au naturel. Others think that streaking is an activity best left in the '70s.

Whatever your beliefs about nudity and modesty, toddlers are naturally uninhibited. So if you're feeling a little iffy about your daughter's Lady Godiva—like behavior but you don't want her to associate nudity with "naughty," Dr. Richardson and Dr. Schuster have three guidelines:

1) Be consistent with your rules, but adapt them as your child grows.

2) Explain your reasons in a way that doesn't make your child feel ashamed. You could say, "Now that you're a big girl, you should cover up. There are special parts of your body that are not for everyone to see."

3) There should be at least one setting during the day when your child's nakedness is acceptable and enjoyed, such as during bathtime. "The goal is to distinguish your attitude toward her body, which is always favorable, from your opinion of her showing it in certain situations," says Dr. Richardson. This'll help you raise a child who is modest about public nudity but not uncomfortable with her body.