Big-Question Time

When the questions start, it's all right if you don't always have a ready answer. "If you're not prepared to say something helpful, it's okay to collect your thoughts," says Dr. Richardson. That's pretty much what Kim, a mom of three in Phoenix, did when her son, James, 5, informed her during a drive to school that a boy moose had to put his penis in a girl moose to make babies. He then asked, "Did Daddy do that to you?" This so flustered Kim that she rear-ended the car ahead of her. "There was no damage," she says, "but try explaining to the driver why I hit him!" She told her son that it was too complicated a question to answer on the way to kindergarten but that she'd answer it that night, which she did. "He asked a lot of follow-up questions, and I answered them all honestly." She adds, "But I recommend being careful about letting little kids watch the Discovery Channel!"

Rather than wait for the queries, strike up the conversation yourself. You'll not only avoid a fender bender, but you'll also help your child feel comfortable talking to you. Many parents put off discussing sex and sexuality because they think there's a "right age" to do so and any information beforehand won't be understood  -- or will be harmful. Actually, says the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists, it's a good idea to give children information about sexuality two years before you think they'll need it. "At four, a child is old enough to understand the concept of creation  -- a baby who exists now didn't exist in the past but was created by his parents," says Dr. Richardson. And knowing that now will only help him figure out the more complicated stuff later.

Some parents worry that acknowledging their child's sexuality will encourage him to experiment. But, says Dr. Richardson, most kids, when presented with the mechanics of sex, say, "Ew!" and leave it at that. And as for getting a kick out of what his own body can do  -- well, as Oliver proved, that's been going on a long time already.

One day Susan of Avon, Connecticut, heard her son, then 5, and an overnight guest giggling in the bathtub. "I realized they were comparing their little erections," she said. "They were both laughing about how touching their penises made them stiff." She says it was hard to keep a straight face, but she explained to them that it was okay to touch their own penises but that they were private parts. Parents should set a standard for masturbation anywhere between the ages of 2 and 5, depending on their child and their own views about modesty. This is also the age to make sure your child knows about "good touch" and "bad touch," and that he should come to you if someone has crossed the line.

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