When Honesty Pays Off

Ages 5 and up

Your child is off to school, bringing with her all her knowledge of sexuality  -- and so are her classmates. She'll probably hear sexual slang, as she's bombarded with new (and often incorrect) sex information from friends, TV shows, music, and movies. And as she develops her own incest taboo, she may grow uncomfortable talking about sex with you.

The payback from your being open and honest with her in her younger years is that it's easier now to grapple with the more complicated sexual issues kids are hearing about, such as homosexuality, contraception, and sexually transmitted diseases. At this point in her life, your child will be discovering not only the facts about these topics but how you feel about them too. For instance, you can let her know what you'd think if you learned someone you know is gay. That way, she can take her cue from you in the future.

Rajean, a Vandalia, Ohio, mom, realized that her daughter, Emily, was pretty comfortable discussing what used to be taboo topics when she was 5. She was drawing a self-portrait at daycare when her teacher complimented her on it but prompted her to find "something missing that you use every day." She'd expected Emily to add a nose, but the little girl matter-of-factly replied, "But I don't know how to draw a vagina."

There may still be red faces and giggling later on when Rajean and her daughter discuss vaginas in other contexts, but at least Emily seems to get that vaginas themselves aren't anything to be ashamed of. Maybe someday she'll be the mom who doesn't freak out over her son's erection. In any case, Oliver's certainly enlightened me.