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Boredom buying

Stay-at-home mom Krissy Siliverdes of Freehold, New Jersey, says that by the time her son was 3 months old, she was beset by boredom and clawing at the walls in need of stimulation. Her outlet? The mall, about three times a week. "Shopping was an excuse to do my hair and put on a little makeup," she admits.

"It starts simply," says Shulman. "Sometimes you go shopping as an escape from the doldrums, and before you know it, it escalates." Siliverdes says that she visited the mall just once a month prebaby. "Now, I have clothing in every size from 4 to 14 and clothes for my son until he's 12." Another stay-at-home mom, Megan Campbell, from Atlanta, also uses shopping as an excuse to get out of the house. "I love Target because I can buy things to occupy the kids while I stroll around for long periods of time." But it's not just SAHMs who succumb to boredom buying. One Macomb Township, Michigan, mom who is the vice president of a banking group says she's so busy at the office all day that she's not sure what to do with herself and her daughter on the weekends. So they regularly turn to shopping. "I'm a big buyer, and then always have something to return. The problem is, when I go to return, I find something else to buy. It's an endless cycle."

The baby buyosphere

Beginning even in the hospital, baby products are pushed on new moms, and we're made to feel that if we don't buy a certain brand or item, we're not good mothers. "New parents feel guilt-tripped into making purchases, like they have to buy the latest, the greatest, the safest, the most overengineered," says Stout. "Otherwise, [moms are made to feel] their baby won't have the advantages."

Elizabeth Currie Moseley, a military spouse in Kailua, Hawaii, moves quite often, but she and her old UPS driver from California still exchange Christmas cards. Why so chummy? Perhaps because of some excessive online shopping. Elizabeth "proceeds to checkout" on sites like babyGap, Hanna Andersson, and Pottery Barn Kids, to name just a few. Overboard? "Yes, but I want to make my kids and family happy. Especially when my husband leaves on deployment, I want to buy special things for the kids."

Compulsive shopping like this is driven by emotional needs, not concrete needs, says BJ Gallagher, a sociologist and the author of Everything I Need to Know I Learned from Other Women. She also felt lured into the pressure to provide. Recalling her son's first Christmas: "He was just four months old, but I bought expensive wrapping paper and bows, pricey baby clothes, and toys he wasn't ready for." Her reasons are all too familiar: "I wanted his first holiday to be perfect  -- and I wanted to be the perfect mom." Siliverdes wanted to be "perfect," too. "Not only did I have to buy one of everything I thought my son needed  -- strollers, Pack 'n Plays, favorite toys  -- I bought three of each. As if having so much gear made me a better mom!" Is this money well spent? "Each person gets to decide what is too much," says Shulman. "It's not just a matter of your income. Shopping may not break your budget, but it does channel your energy away from other things, like spending time with your child. That can eventually cause a crisis."

What money can't buy

The key is to catch the problem before a crisis happens: before fights about your shopping have created major rifts in your family or you've gone into debt and/or ruined your credit. Compulsive shopping is considered an impulse-control disorder, says Deborah Serani, a clinical psychologist in Smithtown, New York. If you go on a spree or overindulge occasionally, there's probably no need to worry. But if you're shopping regularly because you feel sad or angry, and your spending has put you and/or your family in financial danger, it could signal trouble. She suggests simple strategies: Get rid of all credit cards except one (use cash instead), don't shop alone, and make a shopping list of only what you need and stick to it. Ultimately, though, compulsive shoppers need to find other ways to feel empowered. A skilled therapist can be greatly beneficial. "In some cases, medication can help alleviate depression, thus interrupting the destructive shopping cycle," Serani says. "And financial guidance from a professional may be necessary if you've gone into debt."

While I didn't fill the bill of a true shopping addict, I came dangerously close. After my Christmas blowup with my husband, I was forced to acknowledge what was behind my buying and that no MAC lip gloss could take me back to my younger years. And why would I want it to? That 20-something girl sipping champagne wanted nothing more than a husband and kids to kiss goodnight. As soon as I really accepted my life, everything changed. Don't get me wrong, I still love to shop, and we moms do deserve to treat ourselves. It's just that now I know I don't need a pair of Gucci sunglasses to feel rich. I already am.