The Emotional Toll of Technology

Whether they resent being plugged in or are drawn to it, for many moms the downside of being better able to stay in touch isn't just the stress of a huge workload or maintaining the balancing act with family but also the emotional toll. And that can be equally consuming and guilt-inducing.

"Yesterday, my three-year-old gave me a determined look while I was at my computer and said, 'Stop working, Mommy!' The message hit home," says Frances Acquistapace of San Jose, California. Still, she says she doesn't always have a choice. She's an adviser for a referral service that helps place older people in assisted-living facilities, and her firm's policy is to respond to client messages within 24 hours. Her work often ends up cutting into home time. "It's so frustrating because I want to be with Kylie, but I also know a family needs my help finding care quickly. I'll tell Kylie, 'Mommy has to do some work, but I'll be there in five minutes.' Of course, five seconds seems like five minutes to her."

After spending the day on the phone as a receptionist, Mercedes Gray, a mom of two girls, ages 7 and 1, in Los Angeles, uses her cell phone during her commute home to check in with her kids' caregiver and her husband. Later in the evening, she sifts through e-mail from friends. "This technology has let me keep in touch with family and friends despite my hectic schedule, and that's great," she says. "But I crave solitude. There are times when I want to turn everything off and escape. Yet I can't bring myself to, because what kind of mom or friend would I be if I weren't available for people who are important to me? I feel selfish just thinking about it."

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