Grade-schoolers

At school, your child sees small kindnesses (and the opposite) on almost a daily basis, so it's a crucial time to reinforce the importance of thinking about others' feelings.

Plus, many 6- and 7-year-olds are already buzzing about the latest bake sale or other fund-raiser. They get that sometimes you do things for the greater good. To build on that:

Give adult projects a kid spin. Whether you want to visit a hospital or help at the library sale, bring your child and break up projects into small, do-able tasks for her (and stay just an hour or two). Ethan Palmatier, 7, loves to volunteer with his mom, Kelly, at their local food pantry. Even when he was 3, he could follow simple instructions like "Put two boxes of macaroni in here," says Kelly, who founded Compassionatekids.com, a resource for family volunteer opportunities.

Put your child in charge. Talk about the kinds of things your family can donate, and where they'll go. Then name her Queen of Donations, and let her collect the old clothes, glasses, or toys. A great place to start: The Stamp Out Hunger Food Drive (helpstampouthunger.com), on May 12. Letter carriers around the country will pick up canned goods and deliver them to food banks.

Preteens

Around 9 or so, kids can really appreciate compassion for its own sake: It feels good to be good to others. But don't forget that the praise for being kind that worked so well with your toddler will still make a difference. Maybe even a bigger one. There's a lot of pressure that goes along with being a preteen, and it'll help him to be reminded that the things he does and says are valuable.

Tap into your child's creativity. For her ninth birthday, Palmatier's daughter, Naomi, wanted to help poor people in Mexico (her birth father's home country). "She came up with this idea, so we helped her organize a Mexican-themed birthday party," says her mom. They contacted an organization called Vamos!, which suggested that guests bring kids' vitamins and monetary donations as gifts. If your daughter loves animals, she might enjoy volunteering at a local animal shelter. If your son loves to sing, help his choir find places to share their music.

Join in. Doing something together is one of the best ways to bond with a preteen (for them, it sure beats a heart-to-heart talk). So whether you write letters for Amnesty International (or to the local paper) together, or read to kids at a domestic-violence shelter, you'll be sharing much more than an afternoon.

Amanda L. Freeman, a mom of one, teaches composition at John Jay College of Criminal Justice, in New York City.

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