Q. My husband likes simple names, such as Sarah, while I'm leaning toward something more inventive, like Sahara. How can we resolve our differences?

A. First of all, remember that picking a name for your baby can be a lot of fun. You'll both have to compromise in the end, most likely, but whichever name you decide on, your child will ultimately inhabit it. Not only will the name you choose come to define your child in your mind, but your child will come to define the name as well.

A good way to look for a compromise is for each of you to make two lists: one with both of your very favorite choices and the other with those that are totally out of the question. Agree beforehand that both of you will respect the other's out-of-the-question list. You'll find that you eliminate names from consideration for reasons both frivolous (this name recalls the boy in your kindergarten class who picked his nose) and meaningful (an ex-boyfriend answered to it or religious tradition forbids it).

By comparing your lists, you might come upon a specific name you both like and you can start to discover the types of names that fall into your mutual comfort zone. As you listen to each other explain which ones you like, you'll see -- perhaps for the first time -- an image of the kind of person you envision your child to be. Such issues as gender identity may arise: Many moms prefer girls' names that are strong and somewhat androgynous and softer, gentler boys' names. Dads, on the other hand, often prefer the opposite approach: frillier names for girls and classic ones for boys.

Some couples use more straightforward methods of resolving name disputes. You could have one partner pick the firstborn's name and the other pick that of the next child, for instance. Or throw caution to the wind and flip a coin to see who gets to choose the first and who the middle name.

Q. I like unusual names, but I don't want my child to be seen as an oddball. Are there some out-of-the-ordinary names that are easier on kids than others?

A. Definitely. First, though, let it be said that in recent years the line between unusual and ordinary has unquestionably blurred. Names that might have been considered over the top not that long ago -- such as Genesis, Elvis, Deja, and Destiny -- have now popped onto the entry levels of Most Popular lists.

A lot of the response to a name will depend on where you live. There may still be places where Madison and Max are considered cutting-edge, while in others, Mingus and Memphis might not raise an eyebrow.

A couple of tips: You could get creative with spelling and give an original spin to a more traditional name. A child whose name is Jayson is unlikely to be teased because he doesn't spell it Jason, for example. Or you could come at a popular name at a slant, changing Cheyenne to Cayenne. And if you like the currently trendy place names, you might do well to stick with the unusual but recognizable Savannah rather than travel all the way to Ireland.

Q. What's the best way to deal with unwanted advice and pressure from family and friends?

A. The bottom line is that this is your child and the final decision should rest with you, no matter how "helpful" your parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and friends want to be. As your due date gets closer, the name pressure often grows more intense and difficult to deflect. Not only can families besiege you with their ideas ("Great-Aunt Martha hinted to your cousin DeeDee that she's hoping you'll carry on her name"), but they can also become ultracritical of your ideas ("Jake for a baby? Your Uncle Harry, whom you never met, once knew a Jake in the army, and he..."). To get them off your case, be polite and tell them you appreciate their input, then make the decision on your own.

But do try to think about their suggestions with an open mind. Maybe you could honor a beloved relative or family friend with your child's middle name rather than her first name. Or put your own twist on a family name, softening Martha by using Marissa, for instance. Or perhaps your great-aunt has a wonderful surname that would make an interesting choice.

A naughty but effective method for fending off pushy relatives and friends: Explain that it's a lost cause. Even if you haven't already decided on a name, tell them all that you've done so but you can't reveal it yet -- it's a secret.

Linda Rosenkrantz is the author, with Parenting contributing editor Pamela Redmond Satran, of Baby Names Now: From Classic to Cool  -- the Very Last Word on First Names.

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