So what about the safety issue? In a 2005 policy statement, the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) warned that bed-sharing was associated with an increase in sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS) and strongly recommended against the practice. "There is no evidence that co-sleeping can be done safely," adds John Kattwinkel, M.D., chairperson of the AAP's Task Force on SIDS.

No wonder moms who co-sleep are twice as likely to feel judged compared with crib-sleepers. In their defense, co-sleepers cite the work of James McKenna, Ph.D., an anthropologist whose research shows SIDS rates to be lower in countries where co-sleeping is the norm, and the attachment-parenting theories of Babytalk contributing editor William Sears, M.D. (Both experts believe parents can -- and must -- co-sleep safely; see Askdrsears.com for guidelines.) In fact, co-sleepers were just as likely to choose their sleeping arrangement for safety reasons as crib-sleepers. And they also slung some arrows: 40 percent of moms who planned to co-sleep believe that parents who use a crib won't have as close a bond with their babies as they do; another 20 percent feel that crib-sleepers are "selfish" and "only thinking of their own sleep." "Babies grow up more secure when they sleep with their moms for the first year of their lives," contends Phasinee Brown of Kansas City, Kansas.

Giving Up Control

The majority of parents agreed, however, that in the quest for rest, one size does not fit all babies. "After having three children," Trenny Suggs of Spring Hill, Tennessee, told us, "I have learned that you have to do whatever is necessary to help your children sleep." And for many of you, that means changing your game plan. According to our results, only 11 percent of moms actually planned to co-sleep with their babies, but a whopping 42 percent ended up doing so once their little bundles arrived. "During my pregnancy, I studied controversial topics, such as co-sleeping, and thought I knew what I would do," shared one reader in California, who swore that she wouldn't co-sleep but now spends every night in bed with her 5-month-old daughter. "But children set their own schedules. I never understood that having a baby means giving up complete control."

The Perfect Sleep Solution

For all the stress that surrounds getting your baby to sleep, it's helpful to remember -- in a twisted sort of way, we admit -- that 51 percent of you report being tired all the time, regardless of whether your tot snoozes in a crib or in your bed. In other words, there's no right or wrong answer to that frustrating question "Where does your baby sleep?" As Jaclyn Petrin of Princeton, New Jersey, said, "I hope this survey helps parents understand that there is no perfect sleep solution. If there is, please let me know what it is." Sorry, Jaclyn, no such luck.

Patty Onderko is a Babytalk senior editor. Her toddler twins sleep in their cribs ... most of the time.

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