That was the case with a couple of dog-owner friends of ours. Things came to a head one sunny Sunday when we invited them over for a backyard brunch and they brought their dog, Sam, a nice but jumpy puppy. They kept Sam leashed to a tree for a while but then let him off, saying he needed a break. Sam proceeded to try to lick the bagels on our plates as well as our frightened 6-year-old. When we asked them to put him back on the leash, they suggested that perhaps our child was afraid of dogs because it was her parents who were sending her that message. For once I was speechless, and although we're still friendly with this couple, it was the last time we had them over to our house.

If these friends are essential, be direct. Tell them you really need their help on the pooch issue because you don't want it to mar your relationship. If they're true friends, they'll hear you and you'll work it out. If not, then you'll have made more room on your calendar for friends who have a little more understanding.

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