Send up the Flares.

A crucial tenet: Everyone who wants to help gets to do so. Many people offered to babysit during those early days, having no idea what they would be in for. Occasionally we'd take them up on it, always doubling up on sitters. But in the beginning, what I needed more than sitters was help accomplishing simple, everyday tasks.

For the first few weeks, my mom stayed with us, which meant all I needed to do was feed the babies and sleep when I could. All my husband needed to do was go to work during the day and hold me or the babies when we cried at night. The problem was, after my mom left, those "duties" were still all we could handle. Even simple errands had become complicated; the logistics of getting two babies ready and into the car took all the planning most people allow for a week-long vacation.

So, I retrained myself. When people offered to help, rather than saying "No, thank you, we're fine" (a lie), I started saying "Yes, thank you" and offering options. For example, I needed someone to assist me when I went grocery shopping, or I'd ask someone to mail a package or pick up a carton of milk. Other friends helped by weeding the garden, doing the dishes, or folding laundry, which would otherwise have become a permanent mountain on our bed. I even asked the next-door neighbor to come over one day so that I could take an uninterrupted shower.

While these requests seemed huge to me, they were but small favors for my invaluable friends, who emerged into two distinct sets. The first group has children. They understand. The second group doesn't have children. They have time. Today, both groups have become a community of adults who consider my boys to be special because they helped take care of them way back in the beginning, when they were babies.

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