Health

Smart Answers to Kids' Sex Questions

By Beth Levine, Parenting
 
See Also
- Parenting.com
Questions about sex come up when you least expect them - and sooner than you think. Here, the answers you need - Parenting.com
How to answer with the never-ending question - Parenting.com

Ages 7 to 9

"Ewww! Do I have to have sex to have a baby?"
Minimum disclosure: "This is not something you need to worry about now, because having babies is something only grown-ups do. But yes, that is how babies are made. There are things you don't like to think about when you are little that you start to like when you are older. Most grown-ups like making love when they want to make a baby."

Maximum disclosure: "When you are older, if you really don't want to have sex, you can adopt a baby or have in vitro fertilization, which is when a doctor mixes a woman's eggs and a man's sperm."

"Does sex hurt?"
Minimum disclosure: "Sex is meant to be an enjoyable experience between grown-ups."

Maximum disclosure: If your child's inquiries persist, there may be a subtext: Perhaps he saw an inappropriate scene on TV or had a frightening experience. Gently draw out his concerns: "Sex should happen only when both people want it and when it feels good to them. No one should force someone else do it. If you are ever in a situation where someone hurts you, speak up and make them stop. Then tell me or Daddy or another adult you trust."

"What's masturbation?"
Minimum disclosure: "When people touch their own genitals to feel a special kind of pleasure."

Maximum disclosure: Regardless of whether you believe the behavior is appropriate, children should know that masturbation doesn't cause physical or mental harm and that it should be done in a private place, notes Haffner. Myths such as masturbation causing blindness or hairy palms are still floating around the playground. Tell your kid that such stories are untrue. You might add: "Some boys and girls your age masturbate, and some don't."

"What's an orgasm?"
Minimum disclosure: "Orgasms are good feelings in the genital area. Men and women can have them."

Maximum disclosure: Continue with, "There's a feeling of buildup and a release, sort of like when you sneeze. During an orgasm, a man ejaculates  -- that means sperm comes out of his penis."



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