Ages 9 to 12

"What's safe sex?"

Minimum disclosure: "Bodily fluids  -- including saliva and sperm  -- can be exchanged during sexual acts. These contain bacteria and viruses. Most are not harmful, but some, such as HIV, can be dangerous. Safe sex is how you can lessen the chances of transferring them." Point out that safe sex reduces but doesn't eliminate risks and that only abstinence offers 100 percent protection.

Maximum disclosure: If your child asks what oral sex is (there's been anecdotal evidence that kids are engaging in this at startlingly young ages) and how it can be safe, explain: "It's when one person puts his or her mouth on another person's genitals to cause sexual pleasure. It counts as sex and has the risk of spreading sexual diseases. To be safe, people use protection like condoms."

"How do gay people have sex?"

Minimum disclosure: "The same way as anyone else: They kiss, hug, touch, and become intimate."

Maximum disclosure: "Gay people fondle each other's genitals and may engage in oral sex." Pepper Schwartz, Ph.D., coauthor of Ten Talks Parents Must Have With Their Children About Sex and Character, cautions: "Don't explain anal sex at this age unless they ask you pointblank. Then I would be matter-of-fact and say, 'Some men have a form of intercourse, except that instead of inserting the penis in the vagina, they insert it in the anus.'"

"What's on the websites you won't let me see?"

Minimum disclosure: "Some display pornography, pictures of sex that are only for adults. Relationships are about real people with feelings for one another, and these sites don't usually help people learn how to be a good partner. I don't think they are appropriate for a child."

Maximum disclosure: "Many websites have images that reflect a warped view of sex. They show selfish behavior. I don't want you to think that's what sex is about."

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