Relationships

Getting Over New-Mom Guilt

By Dina Roth Port, Babytalk
 
See Also
One mom's story of why the experience of new motherhood resonates in our lives -- even years later - Parenting.com
Graceful ways to handle unsolicited parenting advice, even if it comes from your family - Parenting.com

You're not overcome with joy

Though Emma Haygood of Berrien Springs, Michigan, hates to admit it, she didn't love being a mom when her daughter, Ellie, was first born. "I was on a never-ending cycle of feeding, sleeping, and changing diapers and felt cut off from the world," she says. "I feel like I cheated both of us out of the first months because I wanted that stage to rush by."

Haygood isn't the only one. Most new moms believe they're supposed to bond instantly with their baby. "We have an expectation in society that motherhood is wonderful, so when you have a newborn you should be happy all the time," says Diane Ross Glazer, a licensed therapist in Tarzana, California. "But between hormonal fluctuations, trying to meet all of a baby's needs, and other daily stresses, there are a lot of reasons a new mom can have a down day."

Moms also tend to berate themselves if they long for the carefree life they had before kids. "After I had my first son, Erik, I felt guilty because there were times I'd have given anything to see a movie on a whim or soak in a tub -- the small things you take for granted before kids," says Jessica Arivett of Dallas, Georgia.

How to get over it: No one is happy every day and it's unreasonable to expect to be, says Ross Glazer. Sharing your worries and frustrations with other new moms can help.

Also, go easy on yourself. "Just because you don't want to be around your child 24 hours a day doesn't mean you don't love her," says Aviva Pflock, coauthor of Mommy Guilt: Learn to Worry Less, Focus on What Matters Most, and Raise Happier Kids, and cofounder of Parentopia.net. It's normal to mourn your prebaby life and important to realize that you don't have to give it up entirely. "As you settle into a routine, you can have some of that old life back -- it's a balancing act that you get better at with time," she says.



PRINT
Quick Poll

What's the most you've ever spent on a single kid's holiday gift?

Less than $100
$100 to $200
More than $200
I'm trying to forget


ADVERTISEMENT
Popular on Parenting.com
Popular on Parenting.com
 
Photo Galleries

10 Superpowers of Pregnant Women

Pregnant? How those crazy body changes turn you into Wonder Woman (plus one)

Pregnancy Super Powers
promotion
 

Blog: The Daily Fave

Shawn: "Sure, it helps to know what a mucus plug is, but mostly guys need books that offers simple, streamlined, practical info that doesn't get bogged down with a lot of 'medical diagrams' or 'compound sentences.' Well have I got the book for you, Pops." Updated frequently.

Blog: The Parenting Post

Mighty Maggie: "I have been in charge of the family finances for about a year now and I STILL DON'T KNOW WHAT I AM DOING." Updated Daily!

The Best Toys of 2009

We're giving away over $900 worth of toys! Enter BOTH giveaways once a day until December 14
Birthday Parties

31 Amazing Birthday Cake Designs

Sweet! The easiest, cutest cakes for boys and girls