You're not following the rules

When Kim Aman's breastfed daughter, Lydia, was 5 months old, she wasn't gaining weight fast enough, so the Bremerton, Washington, mom had to supplement with formula -- and felt like a failure for it. "I had planned on breastfeeding for at least a year, and I felt like I was cheating my daughter out of the benefits of breast milk," she says.

Not breastfeeding tops the reasons moms feel guilty, but it's all part of a bigger picture: Moms today feel like they're never doing enough for their kids. Experts attribute this feeling of inadequacy to the message that it's critical to give your child a head start-that moms need to play Mozart during pregnancy or break out the flash cards at birth.

There are also moms who say they're worried that the decisions they're making are the wrong ones. "We have a lot more options than past generations had when it comes to our kids. And with those choices come anxiety, stress, and guilt," explains Pflock. I can relate. Every time I flip on the TV for Samantha, I remember the American Academy of Pediatrics' recommendation that kids under 2 not watch television at all. But for me it's a matter of survival -- if it weren't for The Wiggles I'd never get anything done. So I live with the guilt; it means I can have time to throw in some laundry or read a magazine for 10 minutes (okay, 30).

How to get over it: "Parents are subject to a lot of marketing pressure to literally 'buy in' to enrichment tools," says Tiemann. "Any of them are probably fine as long as they are done for fun and in moderation. As soon as they become an imperative, they only undermine our confidence as parents." Sure, it's important to expose your children to different learning opportunities, but you can do that through everyday life at home, the grocery store, or the park.

Finally, ask yourself what's going to matter down the road: How many college applications ask whether you took a music class when you were 1? Susie Lancaster from Glendale, Arizona, says that she beat herself up for days when she accidentally pinched her son's chin in the car-seat buckle. Finally, a friend who has three kids set her straight. "She helped me realize that the most important thing is that my son knows he's loved," recalls Lancaster. "That's all he's going to remember about his infancy."