Middle of the pack

There are two types of Wannabes  -- those who know better but can't help themselves (Torn Wannabes) and those who don't know better and act like they're 12 (Desperate Wannabes).

Torn Wannabes are unpredictable and frustrating. Usually everyone has a good friend who falls squarely into this category. She's the mom who privately supports you when you're in conflict with someone but abandons you at the moment of confrontation. She never tells you exactly what she thinks. It's not that she's deliberately being deceptive; usually she genuinely doesn't know what she thinks because she wants to please the person in front of her or the one with the most power.

She's great at rationalizing her behavior and avoiding conflict. Still, one on one, she can be a great friend. That's why you're still friends with her, even if she's disappointed you. The Desperate Wannabe is easier to dislike. She doesn't realize when her actions don't match her purported values. But at least she's predictable. She'll always please the person with the most power, and she will always back her up.

She frets a lot about whether she, and by extension her child, is keeping up. She name drops  -- a lot. Like the Torn Wannabe, she's a conflict avoider, but when she can't escape, she can be really nasty.

Steamrolled moms
The Steamrolled Mom sacrifices her needs and judgments because she wants to avoid conflict; she's the one who's always saying, "Whatever you want is fine." She's unlikely to stand up for what she thinks is right because she's afraid to offend and wants to be "nice." She's been so beaten down by the relationships in her life that she doesn't think she can speak out. When she does get up the courage to say something, she's likely to salt her words with apologies.

When she hears gossip from other parents, she'll stay silent even if she disagrees. Then later, she'll rehearse all the things she wished she'd said.

Floater moms
Floater Moms can move easily from one group to another without arousing resentment. They embody "nice popularity" in that they're genuinely liked for who they are. The Floater Mom dresses "appropriately"  -- she doesn't stand out. Her house isn't over the top, and her car isn't fancy.

A lot of moms fall into this category, but here's the catch: You might assume that Floaters are generally the peacekeepers, but this role isn't exclusive to them. In fact, I've seen Queen Bee Moms become peacemakers because they have the power to call an armistice. This is because Floater Moms have the understandable attitude that they already went through this ridiculous drama when they were girls  -- and they're not going to waste their time on another parent who still acts like she's running for prom queen.

Reformed moms
Reformed Moms are able to analyze their behavior and make improvements when and where necessary. These moms  -- especially the ones who used to be Queen Bees  -- often have the best sense of humor. Reformed Queen Bees have kept all their positive attributes (they're charismatic, fun to be around, intelligent, capable, and can make fun of themselves) and lost most of the attributes that made everyone (including themselves) miserable.

Reformed Moms aren't just former Queen Bees, either: There are lots of former Sidekicks, Wannabes, and Outcasts walking around who have become genuinely amazing women you'd want as friends as you go through parenthood.

This doesn't mean that Reformed Moms don't have moments when they revert to old behavior, but when they're called on it, they can admit it, apologize if necessary, and move on.

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