Refusing to pick up

Most kids are messy. This is because playing with toys is more fun than cleaning them up -- duh! -- and besides, kids like seeing their toys. And when they're really young, they can't understand big tasks like "clean your room."

After years of begging Lucy to "clean up that mess" with no effect, I took to tidying up after her. But that was before I realized I was going about it all wrong. Other moms who've retrained their reluctant cleaners say you have to do two things: get realistic and make it fun.

As part of being realistic, Angela Dowling of Fort Walton Beach, Florida, learned it's a good idea to swap "house beautiful" for "house adequate." Dowling set up and organized shelves and bins for all of her 7-year-old son Kobi's toys and books. And she dictated a one-set-of-toys-at-a-time rule: He has to clean up the first set before moving on to another set. If Kobi ignores her reminders, the toys go into a charity bag. It took only one trip to the Goodwill for Kobi to remember the rule.

It's also worth remembering that young kids don't compute the phrase "clean your room." It's too broad and vague for them to process. When her son Cole was in preschool, Kim Shiflett of Cumming, Georgia, coached him along. "I'd say, 'Take that sippy cup with what looks like cottage cheese in it to the kitchen and dump your toys into that basket.' " Now that he's 9, Cole understands what she means when she says, "Clean your room." And while he does it, she puts her feet up and enjoys a cappuccino.

And fun is key. Raleigh, North Carolina, mom Molly Blanchard gives marbles to her 5-year-old son, Morgan, every time he cleans his room. When the jar is full, he gets to cash them in for a "date with Mom" or another treat. (And, of course, he loses his marbles when he does something that makes his mom lose hers.)

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