Safety. Never waver when it comes to things like standing on the glass-top coffee table, scootering in the street, or hitting a little brother over the head.

Respecting authority figures (parents, grandparents, teachers, etc.). Rudeness toward adults is unacceptable.

Health. Don't debate whether or not your child has to brush his teeth, finish all his icky-tasting medicine, or wear sunscreen at the park.

Education. As soon as your child is in school, there should be a nonnegotiable policy on getting homework done, period.

Lying. It shouldn't be tolerated under any circumstances, whether it's a fib about taking an extra cookie or cheating on homework.

When you disagree with your partner

The quickest way to undo your authority is to be at odds with your partner over discipline rules. Kids are great at playing one parent off the other, especially during those instances when there is no prior agreed-upon punishment for misbehavior. When that happens, follow these steps:

1. Agree to hear each other out. No shouting "You are so wrong!" If your child is old enough (3 or up), you can even discuss your differing points of view in front of her (as long as you're civil).

2. Know how to shut things down if tempers do flare. Try a code word that means, "We need to discuss this elsewhere," or just say you need to walk away for five minutes.

3. Develop tiebreaker tactics for when you get seriously deadlocked. One of you can be the final decision-maker on weekends, the other on weekdays. Or you can agree to defer to the parent who swooped in on the touchy situation first.

Discipline isn't only about punishment. It's about teaching your child to follow rules, which is necessary for navigating the world. Punishment has its place, of course, but what's most important is for you to be firm, consistent, and caring in how you expect your child to act. Kids may chafe at limits and discipline, but they secretly crave both.

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