Many parents expect to have an easier time with their child once she turns 3. After all, a preschooler has more language and coping skills than she did as a toddler. Instead, Mom and Dad are often disappointed to find that new problems crop up (such as spouting hateful words) before old behaviors (like hitting) disappear entirely.
Yet what you perceive as naughtiness is usually developmentally appropriate, however obnoxious, so it's best to handle it with an understanding of what's behind your child's acting up. You'll be more likely to respond in a constructive way - and she'll be more likely to learn what's expected of her.
Here are some common little-kid misbehaviors and the best ways to keep them from becoming bad habits.
Even kids as old as 4 or 5 can have trouble verbally expressing their feelings of anger and frustration. The result: They tend to lash out, especially when a situation becomes stressful. And since aggressive behavior usually guarantees an immediate response, they'll sometimes bite or hit in order to get attention.
What to Do
Calmly but firmly make it clear that hurting others is totally unacceptable: "No biting. Biting hurts. We use words to say we're angry."
Consider a time-out - a brief period of isolation can help your child regain control - and use the time to soothe his victim. Never spank or intimidate (either physically or verbally), but you can try withholding a privilege, such as taking away television time, instead of a time-out. And be sure to give plenty of "time-ins" throughout the day - by playing games, say - to help your child feel loved.
After his time-out, have him apologize to his friend.
When he's calmed down, explain that you understand his frustration and give him a vocabulary to express it. You might say, "You were angry, and that's why you hit Jason. But no more hitting! Next time, tell him, 'It makes me mad when you take my toys.'" Teach your child alternatives to get what he wants, such as "Please give my truck back now" or "You can play with it when I'm done."
Pay attention to the situations that provoke him to hit or bite, and then do your best to control the environment as much as possible. For example, if he's easily overstimulated, keep playdates under two hours.
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