Bossiness

Listen to your child say "Sit here" or "I get the bear. You get the bunny" often enough and you may start to cringe. But what comes across as bossiness is just your child's greater awareness of her feelings and needs - as well as her unsophisticated use of directives. Usually, little ones become less demanding once they discover they have to balance their wishes with the desires of others if they expect to have (and keep!) their friends.

What to Do

Be a role model. Your child will mimic your verbal exchanges with her, so every time you snap "Put your clothes on now!" you're implying that that tone is acceptable. To teach her to be more considerate of others, make requests rather than give commands: "Could you please wash your hands before dinner?"

Try some give-and-take. When you tell her it's time to put her toys away and she asks to finish her puzzle, prove that you're open to compromise by letting her complete it. Foster good manners by complimenting her when she speaks politely or shares.

Provide more appropriate words to use whenever you play with her: "Now it's your turn to serve the tea," "May I use the crayon now?" Help her see that listening to another person's ideas usually results in a win-win situation.

Contributing editor Marianne Neifert, M.D., is the author of four books on child rearing.

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